LifestyleTrying to figure out my sexuality but everywhere else is just steeped in queer theory BS

submitted by Constantine from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Constantine[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This was one of the most helpful comments, thank you. I don't know why, but for some reason I've always been uncomfortable with crushing on celebrities because they're real people who I don't know. I had crushes on fictional characters at that age instead, both male and female, and a select few of my classmates.

There wasn't much space in the original post, but I think part of my problems are (1) that I have Asperger's and struggle with social connection in general, and (2) that you hit the nail on the head and I've been on medication for a physical health condition since I was a teenager that complicates all these things. Hopefully I will get off of that soon since a breakthrough has been made for my condition recently that means I shouldn't have to be on that anymore.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree with this approach. And I'm glad you have an avenue to remove a medical variable, here.

I think you need time and space to safely experiment without any expectations attached, and people you don't know are a safe testing ground. That's just between you and you—nobody needs to know. You can be free to explore and listen to how you respond. I had a bunch of crushes. On both sexes. When I noticed myself being attracted to female celebrities I just decided to wait until it happened in real life before I tried to have answers. Eventually that happened, and in the meantime I enjoyed my private thoughts. That's a pretty natural part of self-exploration, really. Give yourself permission to be free, and ignore the silly opinions of people who think they get to debate what you are and who you want. That is an automatic reason to stop listening to them. Nobody is entitled to intrude upon your intimate life without your consent and they sure don't get to offer commentary without invitation.

You are not doomed, take heart. What I always tell people when they have a disappointing experience is that there are 7+ billion people in the world. Keep putting yourself out there when you want to find people to play with. If you don't, that's perfectly fine too. Nearly your whole life is ahead if you, so don't put yourself on a deadline for figuring things out or discovering what appeals to you. You don't have to want anything or anyone, ever, either. But you sound interested in exploring this, so enjoy the ride.

As for low-pressure ways to be out in the world, normally I would suggest following your other interests and finding groups of other interested people or volunteering, etc. Right now, with a pandemic going on, things are harder, but in general, I find that a very useful way to meet good people. (And a few I would rather not know, but that's life, can't find the good ones without tripping over a few duds along the way.)

[–]Constantine[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for your very helpful advice! I certainly hope I'm not doomed, and rarely feel this way, but lately it's been difficult. I will keep this in mind.