Fam, I really need advice on the fIL situation here.EE

submitted by WrongToy from (self.GenderCritical)

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]arcticbasket 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

First of all, I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

Let's assume this doesn't get better. How much longer do you think they'll live? Are you willing to put up with this for that amount of time? If not, is there anything SO can do to improve the situation?

I can't help but think /r/justnoMIL would be a good place to ask this question. Good luck with this.

[–]WrongToy[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I have asked this on that subreddit. Many times. More than a few people have said that I should just dump my fiance over this and get on with my own life free of his family. I'm not quite at that point yet.

Our relationship was pretty OK until he lost his job. It's attractive that at least the fmil understands that we need money and the only way she gets what she wants--coming home--is if he/we get paid to afford to "help out." However, with the latest developments here, I am seriously wondering how dangerous this plan is.

We do not know how to lift a vulnerable person. The house has not been retrofitted in any way beyond a handheld showerhead and a bath railing--there's no lift and no outside railings for example. The one thing I can do that SO won't is clean his mom up if there's an incontinence issue and she can't--assuming of course that she can get situated on a bed or chair or toilet first. Which is in doubt.

The mom is in hospital because she caught something from the cat. During our collective phone call, it was revealed that she would be at home, at earliest, Saturday, so don't worry about it for now.

I'm sorry, what? The cat and the dog need to be out of there today then, and there need to be hazmat-certified individuals to go through the house and deep clean it. Not DIL's personal servants, but certified individuals who'll also deal with the hepa filters. How is the house supposed to be ready?

She is on IV diluadid because the oxys and the roxies she has at home aren't cutting it for the pain. The bossy DIL is like, "it could just be a hairline fracture" as if that's trivial and we, the fambily, will just have to "help more" because the most important thing is fmil's feelings, and her feelings are that she'd rather be sick at home and/or die at home surrounded by fambily.

The survival rate for her form of cancer, advanced as it is, is 67 percent overall provided she can tolerate the chemo. For the jnffil, the stroke social worker said the vast majority are released within three weeks to go home, which I assume means being able to eat and do bathroom things yourself.

So as far as they might live? It might be three months. It might be three years. Or 10.