I think I was just raped and I really need support

submitted by DevianttKitten from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–][deleted] 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I'm so incredibly sorry this has happened to you. You are NOT dirty and it Is NOT your fault. Please do not blame yourself!! He completely disregarded your feelings and boundaries. If you did not want it, if you did not consent to what he did, then it is rape. I don't know what kind of advice I should offer you as I do not know what do in this situation, but know that I, and all of us here, are here to support you!

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Thank you.

I didn't know where else to go where people might understand why I didn't fight, but why I'm still shaken up. I figured I'd be shunned from reddit "women's" subs because of my past history on GC. I didn't know who else to tell. I think I just needed someone more objective to tell me it wasn't ok what happened, because right now I feel like I didn't do enough to stop it, or that maybe I'm overreacting and it wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be. I'm doubting myself, I guess.

Thank you

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. You are not overreacting at all. It is completely normal to process your feelings of what just happened until it's actually over. You feel this way for a reason--- because it was wrong. I know that it's easy to blame yourself and say "I could've done this," "If I had did this maybe it wouldn't have happened this way," etc. However, you never know how you're going to react to that kind of situation. Not only that, but you shouldn't have to think this in the first place. If HE didn't force his way, if HE didn't do this to you in the first place, you would have never even had to ask yourself those questions. You didn't do anything wrong. HE is in the wrong. He is piece of shit human. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I read in the other comments that you do not have access to good mental health services in your area. Maybe there are some online services that can help?

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm hoping there's some online or phone therapy options I can use instead, I'll look it up tomorrow.

[–]Shesstealthy 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You're absolutely not at fault. Consensual situations where someone suddenly breaks a stated boundary are really hard to just stop. I've been there - not your situation but a kind of stealthing which I did immediately make him stop - and it's just messy. I too followed up with some sexual activity to take my power back.

You're not alone.

ETA oh and I should make it clear that when that happened to me I was a LOT older and more experienced and confident than you are right now. Which helped when I was able to tell him to get off me right now, but didn't make the feeling of violation any less.

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you. Knowing other people have followed up with sexual activity makes me feel a little better. "Taking my power back" is exactly what I was trying to do; a BJ was something I could control. It was either that or post "sex" conversation and I didn't want to face that after what he'd just done.

[–]jelliknight 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You did what seemed like the best choice in the situation. No one can second guess that, not even present-time you. Past-you did what she thought she needed to do and that's all anyone can ask.