I think I was just raped and I really need support

submitted by DevianttKitten from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–][deleted] 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

I'm so incredibly sorry this has happened to you. You are NOT dirty and it Is NOT your fault. Please do not blame yourself!! He completely disregarded your feelings and boundaries. If you did not want it, if you did not consent to what he did, then it is rape. I don't know what kind of advice I should offer you as I do not know what do in this situation, but know that I, and all of us here, are here to support you!

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Thank you.

I didn't know where else to go where people might understand why I didn't fight, but why I'm still shaken up. I figured I'd be shunned from reddit "women's" subs because of my past history on GC. I didn't know who else to tell. I think I just needed someone more objective to tell me it wasn't ok what happened, because right now I feel like I didn't do enough to stop it, or that maybe I'm overreacting and it wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be. I'm doubting myself, I guess.

Thank you

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. You are not overreacting at all. It is completely normal to process your feelings of what just happened until it's actually over. You feel this way for a reason--- because it was wrong. I know that it's easy to blame yourself and say "I could've done this," "If I had did this maybe it wouldn't have happened this way," etc. However, you never know how you're going to react to that kind of situation. Not only that, but you shouldn't have to think this in the first place. If HE didn't force his way, if HE didn't do this to you in the first place, you would have never even had to ask yourself those questions. You didn't do anything wrong. HE is in the wrong. He is piece of shit human. Again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I read in the other comments that you do not have access to good mental health services in your area. Maybe there are some online services that can help?

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you.

Yeah, I'm hoping there's some online or phone therapy options I can use instead, I'll look it up tomorrow.

[–]Shesstealthy 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You're absolutely not at fault. Consensual situations where someone suddenly breaks a stated boundary are really hard to just stop. I've been there - not your situation but a kind of stealthing which I did immediately make him stop - and it's just messy. I too followed up with some sexual activity to take my power back.

You're not alone.

ETA oh and I should make it clear that when that happened to me I was a LOT older and more experienced and confident than you are right now. Which helped when I was able to tell him to get off me right now, but didn't make the feeling of violation any less.

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you. Knowing other people have followed up with sexual activity makes me feel a little better. "Taking my power back" is exactly what I was trying to do; a BJ was something I could control. It was either that or post "sex" conversation and I didn't want to face that after what he'd just done.

[–]jelliknight 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You did what seemed like the best choice in the situation. No one can second guess that, not even present-time you. Past-you did what she thought she needed to do and that's all anyone can ask.

[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Remember it is completely up to you if you want to report this to the police. I have never used Tinder, but I heard you can also report users on there.

You did NOT do this to yourself. You had no way of knowing he would do this to you. You are not responsible for what HE did to YOU. Please do not blame yourself!!

[–]DevianttKitten[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I won't be reporting it because of some mildly related cannabis stuff, which is still very illegal to possess here. The last thing I need is for police to be involved. It's a small town anyway, they don't even get off their ass for intervention order breaches, I doubt they'd do anything about a sexual assault. They're rarely even reachable because they're never at the station.

I'll see if I can report him on tinder, but I might've unmatched him after I got his phone number anyway.

[–]yishengqingwa666 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd love to report him, if I knew his profile.

[–]catawampus 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is totally up to you whether you want to report it to the police, you are completely valid making the choice best for you. No matter what, he was completely in the wrong and you should never feel like it was your fault or feel ashamed for what happened.

I say this not to guilt you, but I would still gently suggest reporting him to the police. Even if he isn’t convicted in this case, having a prior history with the police would make it easier to convict him in the future if he violates another woman and she reports it.