TERFs, I see TERFs everywhere...

submitted by Lyssa from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–]muomo 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

I actually got in a fight with my boyfriend over this. He brought up the JK Rowling situation and then started the typical TRA spiel about how "transwomen are women" and transwomen should be able to use women's bathrooms and violence against them is just astronomically high. It's just funny to me because the more I challenged him about those stances, the more he began to falter. We started with "transwomen are women" and when I asked how a biological man can become a woman, then it became "transwomen can become 99% woman" and then when I asked what makes a woman a woman...no clear answer. I got really offended because it seems to me he thinks a woman is just what somebody looks like. He even tried to say the issue with transwomen having free reign in women's bathroom was fear mongering and the same arguments have been used to discriminate against illegal immigrants. I had honestly never heard him say something so dumb in my life. I sent him a link to r/GenderCriticalGuys (RIP) and he discredited everything there because he deemed it an echo chamber. Yet he had no problem gulping up a 30 minute video by a transwoman (a man) talking about gender identity, and he sent it to me as if it had any relevance to the conversation we'd been having. I would bet money he didn't even read JK Rowling's essay.

Eventually, I think we just agreed to disagree because he couldn't tell me I was wrong he just said "I guess this is an issue that transwomen and women need to work out between themselves. I can't really offer a knowledgeable opinion as a cis male." It is absolutely hilarious how it seems all TRAs have the exact same weak arguments. But then again, how strong of an argument can you make if you can't even determine the difference between a man and a woman?

[–]venecia 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You're free to make your own choice here, but I've never had good experiences with male romantic partners who say that women's concerns about safety are ''fear mongering'' with no basis in reality. Or talk in that Voice of Great Male Authority that ''well IIIIIIIII have never felt unsafe in a bathroom/on the street late at night''. Everyone knows that tone. The one where you KNOW you have to agree with the weaponized mediocrity and let this neckbeard tell you what your experience is, or you'll be arguing for hours.

... whew, went on a tangent there. All that to say, I know how you feel.

[–]muomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

We're broken up now, and you were totally right. We agreed on most things, but writing off women's fears as fear mongering didn't sit right with me and it kept gnawing at me once I found out he felt that way. There were a lot of small things leading up to the break up anyway, I don't think we really clicked on a romantic level, but this disagreement really helped me hasten the break up.

[–]venecia 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Responding way late but good for you! I stuck around too long taking this kind of shit so it's really heartening to see other women cutting their losses quite quickly after discovering incompatibilities like this. Congrats!