Hi instantlymidnight, I can't imagine what you're going through but I'm glad you're here. It must be really scary and hard to have your worldview shaken like this.

I don't have detrans specific resources for you, but as person who has worked through trauma, please try to be gentle with yourself and your reactions right now. From your post this all sounds super new. Reading, questioning, and understanding is important, but don't forget to step away and have some downtime to care for yourself. Exercise/walk if you can, watch or read something fluffy, write about your feelings, and talk to supportive people IRL.

It's intense, but it was helpful for me to read "The Body Keeps the Score." I was turned off a bit at first because it starts with the author's work with male veterans, but it's good for understanding trauma and there's a lot of resources in the back about how to work towards recovery.

This is kind of a little thing, but I was surprised how much it helped me when I was working through PTSD and feeling overwhelmed: https://yogainternational.com/article/view/soothe-your-nervous-system-with-2-to-1-breathing

It's good for anyone who is experiencing stress and overwhelm from their thoughts to calm your body from doing that fun fight or flight stuff.

I don't know if this is accessible to you or desirable, but psychology today magazine has an online search/filtering function and many providers are all set up to do online counseling now.

Anyway, I'm very glad you're here. You're important and your voice is important.