Women identifying as non binary lesbians but dating exclusively men?

submitted by radikaalirusina from self.GenderCritical

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[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

To her own words back in college "I like dick too much to ever be a lesbian". She doesn't say "I'm not attracted to women", she just has a genital preference to dick. You're being judgmental and this is no way related to OP's post. OP's post is a valid complaint as wtf IS a non-binary lesbian who dates only men-- it does not make sense.

[–]Anna_Nym 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Making judgments on other people is part of how we move through life in a society. Just having a bisexual orientation doesn't give a person any experience or insight into same-sex relationships or into homosexuality as a marginalized identity. You need to actually LIVE as the identity to understand anything through it.

I've seen a lot of bisexual women and men perform at/speak at/otherwise take up reputation and financial building spaces at gay pride and other gay rights oriented events, for example. I don't want to go around asking everyone for their relationship histories, but when you know people fairly well and their relationship history is nothing but straight for decades, it seems pretty dodgy. Likewise to me, foregrounding your identity as bisexual when bisexuality has had a minimal impact on your life seems dodgy.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

So would a lesbian who never dates or has sex claiming to be a lesbian, when it has had a minimal impact on her life, seems dodgy then?

Like, I get that if you want someone speaking on behalf of a group that you would want them to have lived the identity. But this comment has nothing about the woman speaking on behalf of a group.

[–]Anna_Nym 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It depends on the details. That's why I gave specific examples of the context where I find foregrounding an identity that one hasn't lived to be dodgy.

I also don't think bisexuality and lesbianism are identities that can be directly compared the way that you're trying to. I'm bi, and I fall into the category of women for whom my bisexuality has very minimal impact on my life. I'm not closeted about it, but it's an identity that I would have to actively perform for people to know because my relationship history is almost exclusively straight. I've never met a lesbian who could say the same about her life (although it's a wide world, so I'm sure some exist).

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That is where we differ. If you are a closeted gay man but in a heterosexual marriage due to your religion, then you are still a gay man. Sexual orientation is defined by the sex(es) you are attracted to. If you have same sex attraction, then you are not straight. That's the definition. There is no hidden clause that you have to live the experience nor a requirement to perform it, no one is required to perform their sexuality.

Your view dismisses compulsory heterosexuality, cases where a woman might not feel safe acting upon her sexuality (i.e. a lesbian in a space where being a homosexual could get her killed), preferences (where she's sexually attracted to both but has a strict preference), "discovering" one's sexuality later in life (typically after already in a committed relationship/marriage), etc.

[–]Anna_Nym 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I do not believe being closeted has a minimal impact on one's life. I don't want to mind read, but based on your arguments, I doubt that you believe that either. Compulsory heterosexuality is actually part of why I said that bisexuality and lesbianism can't be directly compared, so I am also not dismissing compulsory heterosexuality.

There is clearly a fundamental misunderstanding of each other's points going on, and I don't think it's worth the time to try to get past that.