Both: Are sexual stereotypes about men and women in the bedroom true?

submitted by worried19 from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

In my experience, the stereotypes seem to be leaned into more with a newer sexual partner at first. If we're trying to really please each other, I think those might be assumed expectations that we jump to, though if we're really listening to each other and communicating well then it's usually obvious that neither of us want that. It seems true of (biological) women, too, based on conversations I've had and accounts I've read.

But that's just my perspective post-transition. Pre-transition, the question of being dominant/submissive or a top/bottom in the context of male-male relations always was one of the first things to establish with a new partner, at least with casual sex. Some guys seemed weirded out or put off by me in the bedroom, and I wonder if maybe I wasn't conforming to some male sexual stereotypes enough or was behaving more stereotypically female sexually. Maybe I was just generally weird, though!

[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Pre-transition, the question of being dominant/submissive or a top/bottom in the context of male-male relations always was one of the first things to establish with a new partner, at least with casual sex.

I guess when it's two guys, you have to work out who's going to be doing what. Heterosexual intercourse is more straightforward. It's my understanding that the top/bottom thing between gay men is distinct from dominant/submissive, which are the BDSM roles. Did you find that gay men wanted a BDSM dynamic? Did they assume that you would be submissive to them, being (presumably) more GNC? Or did they assume they were going to be the "top" in terms of penetration? I suppose for casual sex, men might make that clear even before meeting.

[–]Juniperius 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I guess when it's two guys, you have to work out who's going to be doing what.

This seems strange to me- as a Lesbian, in my experience, my partners and I have done more or less the same things for one another. We don't tend to turn activities into identities the way gay men seem to do.

[–]worried19[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, I guess that only applies if they're going to have intercourse. I would assume lots of gay men switch back and forth in general, but on any given occasion, one guy's doing the penetrating and the other is being penetrated.