Can you explain how it's any different when you say you don't hate trans people and a racist says they don't hate black people?

I dunno, can you explain the difference between a racist telling a black person their brain makes them dumber vs male trans people telling women their brains make them like pink and wear dresses? For all the "I'm not misogynistic, but..." I have yet to see even one single definition of gender that wasn't based in patriarchal stereotypes or like, ideas straight from the 19th century (from the less self-aware, usually male, cases). If the worst thing you can use to compare us to racists is that we both claim to recognise reality and have a worldview not based in blind hatred, well, you might have a point, but you could also pin that on almost any other ideology in existence. Meanwhile the trans movement's consistent attempts to push backwards brainsex theories and equate womanhood with gender roles and patriarchal presentations DO bring to mind racists advocating whites and blacks to stick to their proper natural roles that their brains made them for, and also the notions that the real racism is not pretending that everyone is white.

at some point you stop 'telling the truth like it is' and start dogwhistling for the GCers in the crowd

Is recognising that the Earth is round dogwhistling to roundearthers? Is recognising that evolution exists dogwhistling to atheists? Women did not start demanding that their bodies and rights be recognised to make trans people feel bad. They did it because 1. Women having a different physiology is a simple fact, and we needed different accommodations for this physiology, not because it's "UwU so validating!" but because that's the reality of us being female 2. Because society has assigned a metric ton of baggage and gendered brainwashing to our female bodies (baggage that male trans people are relying on for gender validation since the first point disqualifies them), we need special care and focus in order to deal with a lifetime of subserviant traumatising upbringing in a misogynistic society. 3. We also, due to our female physiology, need protection from men who will prey on us specifically for being female.

We do not, as women and feminists, recognise that we are women to be "attention-whores" and misandrists. We do it because this is both our lived reality, and something we're targeted for with oppression.

You keep using words like truth and fact without actually giving me any game-changing truth or fact, you just SAY it, and that's the problem. I understand that physically I'm not biologically female.

Sooo...they're not saying the truth...and then you literally admit you understand they're saying the truth. And then you say that you don't like this truth being repeated just because the truth makes you feel bad, and you don't like feminist women who have suffered oppression due to actually being female talking about the nature of their oppression without pretending that their womanhood is all in their head because, again, that makes you feel bad. Well cry me a river.

now she has active anxiety attacks about even talking with her mom

Here's my little story: I don't care about feminism making misogynists feel bad. I used to, and then I realised that my rights and humanity do not deserve to be eroded to make men and not-like-other-girls-women feel better about themselves. So any time anyone tries to get me to shed tears over misogynists not being able to live their life to the fullest because of those meanie feminazis advocating women's rights, I just...don't give a crap anymore? Like not one bit. I am done feeling bad for misogynists trying to prop themselves up by taking women's rights away and reverting feminist progress decades back.

she's a horrible manipulative person who will start crying if my friend even talks in her normal, feminine voice on the phone.

And some would call it manipulative for men to fake "girly" speaking patterns and take lessons on how to "sound like a girl" in order to pretend they're something they're not. Some would also call it manipulative to start crying any time someone doesn't pretend that they're a "reel gurl" because their girlbrain compells them to wear dresses and makeup. And yet all of these things are seen as 100% normal and brave for trans people to do.

I would also say that girls being pushed into surgeries and a lifetime maintaining an artificially induced hormonal imbalance because they feel they're "not like other girls" is doing horrific damage to girls in their most vulnerable years where they deal with unwanted sexualisation of their body parts, the constant dehumanisation, objectification and ridiculous standards of their appearance.

With what social equity.

LOL I'm sorry, trans people could force everyone to pretend that being female is literally all in their head and to use whatever wtf pronoun someone demands they use or get fired within the span of a few years, but when it comes to actually doing shit for themselves that doesn't require them to actively advocate for the removal of women's rights and protections, suddenly it's "We're so poor and outnumbered and no-one listens to us" :,'(((