Thoughts?

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[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I’m sort of confused why TWAW/TMAM is such a big issue. Maybe when I was younger I might have cared more. It would be nice to be real, but that isn’t a choice we have. I feel like how people treat you and how you feel about yourself should matter a lot more (like not having dysphoria anymore). If people think I’m a woman, is it really the end of the world if I’m actually not? Maybe is different for people for don’t pass, but even then I feel like most people won’t go out of their way to misgender you. It’s just not realistic that everyone will participate and it turns people against us to try to force them too.

Also, like if you break man or woman to the point they are meaningless, doesn’t that hurt what the same people who say TWAW want?

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

It would be nice to be real

Thinking we aren’t real is the root of the hatred against us honestly.

I feel like most people won’t go out of their way to misgender you

You give people way too much credit.

It’s just not realistic that everyone will participate and it turns people against us to try to force them too.

They’re already against us. You just don’t see it because you are stealth. Anyone calling me “he” is against trans people. They just don’t see many of them.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Thinking we aren’t real is the root of the hatred against us honestly.

I don’t feel like it is. I feel like it’s usually some mix of homophobia, transphobia, or discomfort with gender nonconformity (difficult to separate all those things sometimes). Plus, it’s not something we can change. I can’t become a natal female and stop being trans.

You give people way too much credit.

Maybe it has to do with where you are... Like, there are trans people I work with and know various places and people are very respectful of their pronouns. I’m not imagining this. I can’t honestly recall the last time I heard anyone misgendered intentionally.

They’re already against us.

I know we’re a marginalized group and I’m not saying that everyone loves us, but I feel like we are creating a backlash now because of trying to police how people talk and insist different things are exactly the same. There has been lots of progress on attitudes towards trans people over the years. I have the benefit (or curse) of getting to hear what people actually think too and attitudes towards us are so much better than they were 15 or even 10 years ago. It’s only started to get worse again lately.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I feel like it’s usually some mix of homophobia, transphobia, or discomfort with gender nonconformity

That transphobia is coming from thinking we aren’t real. That homophobia is hitting us because they think we are men. You are ignoring the underlying causes.

I can’t honestly recall the last time I heard anyone misgendered intentionally.

I am misgendered more often than not. Daily and often by people who very much know who I am. It’s purposeful and near constant. It’s bound to be better some places but it is absolutely impossible someone see me and not know I am a trans woman and literally everyone but friends will generally misgender me.

I’ve been out about 7 years now and there hasn’t been an improvement generally. People are nicer online about trans people but on the ground I haven’t seen a difference and certainly not a positive move.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Okay, I feel like I get what you are saying, but I don’t see how that’s something we could change. We aren’t actually women or men (or girls or boys) even if we can exist as that in society. I feel like you fight homophobia by teaching people there is nothing wrong being attracted to or having sex with someone who shares your sex and transphobia by teaching people it’s alright to be trans. We aren’t bad even if we aren’t exactly the same. We can be exceptions without pushing everyone to change words.

I’m sorry that is happening to you. There are other places you could go where you would be treated better, but I feel like we’ve had this conversation before.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I consider myself a woman though. If I thought I was some kind of fake I would have just killed my self instead of transitioning. I can’t fathom choosing a life where you don’t consider yourself real. I’m not saying it’s wrong but that’s just something I can’t wrap my head around.

I could move to places that might be a little better but honestly wherever I go it isn’t good. I think you underestimate how many people will go out of their way to harass an obvious trans woman. I think blending for so long has blinded you to how it is for those of us who can’t.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I was really stuck on wanting to be real or convincing myself I was for a long time when I was a younger, so I understand feeling that way. It’s possible that maybe it’s easier for me not to feel like it’s important because I don’t feel like my gender is questioned and I would be more defensive if it was. I don’t really know. It’s like impossible to not be influenced by your own experiences with it. I think we just see if different because I’m not believing like the TWAW thing in any way that makes sense. Do you ever worry about the women’s safety issues that can come from that if anyone can say they are trans?

I really do feel like there are places where you would be treated better. 🤷‍♀️

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I mean I’m not saying you are wrong. I can’t speak to your feelings.

Do you ever worry about the women’s safety issues that can come from that if anyone can say they are trans?

I’m anti self id.

I appreciate the thought but honestly I don’t think there is anywhere I could go where I wouldn’t be treated like a freak.