Of course it is. If there's a hierarchy, then someone is the loser. Someone is the inferior one.

What's wrong with thinking things can be complimentary?

Sometimes individualism helps, sometimes group work is optimal.

Sometimes leading is best, sometimes following is optimal.

Everything isn't a hierarchy.

What's better drums or guitar?

Someone's at the bottom of the totem pole. And society has deemed that it be women. There's no way to argue that women just naturally want to be abused and then say they're not inferior to men. I mean, come on there. It's perfectly justified to rape and abuse women if that's what all women naturally want. That's what the incels and Red Pillers believe. I've seen dozens of different men on Reddit spouting those disgusting beliefs.

Oh I do think they spout those beliefs.

I do think lots of have dubious sexualities. I think they have to disconnect those desires from reality. Even if they meet women with those desires.

I would dispute that. I was not raised that way. There are millions of people around the world who have never heard of BDSM.

Of course but they still see the connection between power and sex.

Disagree. Maybe in unhealthy environments, but not in all environments. I'm a peaceful person. I have no tolerance for mind games in any aspect of my life.

I tend to think mind games are impossible to avoid.

It's not that all life is unhealthy social mind games but that we are always involved in games in social interactions. That is what regular onscreen drama is. The stuff of soaps.

That's not what I mean. The audience was not meant to get sexually turned on by the torture. They were meant to hate the character. And yes, that's why they cheered when Joffrey got poisoned or Ramsay was eaten by dogs. Anyone who was experiencing pleasure by witnessing the torture itself is a sick individual.

Isn't GoT knowingly teasing us by having us enjoy Ramsay suffering? We should not take pleasure in the pain of others but here we have the pleasure of revenge. That is onscreen extremism.

But you never take pleasure in small revenge in real life? The small games of life?

My line is disrespect.

I think the disrespect in bdsm is play. It should not be thought of as serious. It is theatre. That would be my interpretation.

I don't care if my partner wants to bed two women at once as long as he's not thinking of those women as inferior or wanting to hurt them in some way. I still don't get the group sex thing. It goes against my personal morals. But I don't think it's automatically an immoral act.

Group things aren't my thing either. I've actually had some personal trauma about that kind of thing. Being invited to an orgy without knowing it is an orgy is probably the best way to describe it.

Not really, haven't you heard that men will fuck anything? It's only partly a joke.

Well a couple things about that.

I think yes men possibly naturally do have a higher sex drive. That affects relations between the sexes.

They also have an order preference in that "fucking."

If all women shaved their heads and threw away their makeup and feminine clothes, heterosexual men would still deeply want to fuck women. There's no way to stop biology. There's always an urge to reproduce the species.

However they still have preferences. All the "culture of gender expression" isn't being thrown away.

They women too have preferences. All aspects of male gender expression would be thrown away too.

Both sexes use things other than their physical bodies to rise in the order. That seems a perfect natural activity.

Bodies are equally sensuous, at least in my book, depending on one's orientation. Masculinity and femininity are neither. I just don't get the appeal. So you want to wear dresses and makeup, okay, but I don't understand why.

Sure but, I in turn would say you are being the outlier case here. I of course say I am an outlier in my preferences in women and gender expression.

I would also say you might be taking masculinity for granted. You see it as the norm, the default. You don't see any point in anything else. Where as most people take both for granted.

But who cares if people assume you're gay? Everyone I meet must assume I'm a butch lesbian. It's not a big deal. You can be an effeminate straight guy. It doesn't have to be related to fetishes.

Well I thought we'd agreed that male gender non conformity is far more socially unacceptable?

You have to care not to appear gay, not to appear weak, not to appear feminine, not to appear that you might enjoy expressing femininity. Because it is socially toxic.

It's like "Yeah if you wear a dress you better not be enjoying it, you better still be a real man with real masculinity."

What's "them," in this context? I don't quite follow.

Ah I mean attracted to the elements of femininity.

Out of curiosity, if you don't mind sharing, have you ever had just normal sex with a woman without involving a fetish?

Yes with women who were intensely sexual. There seems to be overlap between dominant and intensely sexual maybe. Their sexual passionate aggression turns me on.

ha does that make it sound I am not a generous lover?

I enjoy pleasing partners but unless they can please me it becomes a turn off. That is not blame on anyone. It's about being a good match.

Or are you not capable of being aroused by regular sex without BDSM elements or crossdressing?

I feel like I need some element but like I said that element might be aggressive passion or that emotional link. "This person loves who I am." "We are linking on that." "I love who they are and they love me."

But the majority of women I find are passive and focused on masculinity.

Well, if jewelry itself turns you on even to look at it, that's obviously fetishistic. I mean, there's nothing wrong with liking jewelry. Lots of men do. But it's different to get an erection thinking about jewelry and have it put you in the mood for sex.

Well jewellery is popular, you can see the aesthetic appeal of it?

What's erotic play? I think I'm very erotically playful. I'm not shy about any aspect of my sex life, so I'm happy to go into detail, but I'm not some serious person in bed. I think sex should be joyful. I enjoy pleasing and being pleasured. I don't think I'm boring. My partner doesn't seem to think I am. It's not like we only do missionary in the dark or something. We're very active and even exploratory.

But it's a relative thing surely? There has to be good matches.

I wasn't thinking you were boring and as I understand the world. People enjoy different things. Some people are very focused on the body. Some people are very passive but want attention.

How old were you when you first became aware of your fetish, if you don't mind me asking?

Well I pre school I was interested in femininity. It was clear flicking something in me.

It became sexual as I grew up. Things fell in to place. But I wasn't masturbating instead I had a lot of awkward wet dreams. In retrospect I can see I didn't really understand myself. Why would I?

lol in fact I can remember shocking people by telling them I didn't masturbate. cringe. That was a mistake. People thought it was weird and it was.

I mean I did find crossdressing and dominant women erotic but those ideas are too outside normal life to make sense of. Crossdressing is also so strongly linked to homosexuality. I probably lost my virginity later than most. But then I wasn't focused on the masculinity that seems so important to heterosexuality. I was doing my own thing.

I think your idea of this mythical masculinity and the reality of female sexuality are not in alignment. If you think girls don't need to be taught to be attracted to toxic male figures, then you're really just saying that we're born inferior. I don't see what the purpose of feminism is in that case.

But isn't this back to the logic that leads to everyone needing to be masculine?

But you must see that isn't what the mass population wants?

I know you'll blame culture but the desires seem too strong to believe that.