The urge to help others is hardwired in humans. We feel the pain suffered by our friends and relatives when they face hardships in life. The motives, however, vary from person to person and depend on the context in which help is offered.
There are empathetic souls who really mean what they say when they offer to help those who have been felled by adversity. There is no mismatch between what they say and what they intend to do.
Political correctness
However, more often than not, many people profess their sympathies out of political correctness. They want to be seen as helpful. They believe that silence will be mistaken as insensitivity. But most of these professed Good Samaritans really have no intention to help you if you are in trouble. Their concern is superficial and shallow. They just want to be judged as helpful.
Be specific
If you really want to help somebody, make a specific offer of help. Shall I take care of your kids? Shall I look after your pets? Shall I mow your lawn? Would you like me to find a job for you? May I offer some cash to tide your difficulty?
These offers are solid, upfront and unambiguous. You signal that you want to help without expecting anything in return.
Suffering numbs our faculties
When people are struck by tragic events like the death of a dear one or meet with a major accident, they will hardly be in a position to think in composed manner. Trauma would cripple their thinking faculties. Intense grief would paralyze them into a state of inactivity. In such a situation, they would not ask for any specific help.
If you make a concrete proposal of help they are likely to accept the offer. If on the other hand, you make an insincere and general offer, they would not respond because they do not know whether you really want to help. Your motives are not clear to them.
Walk the talk
Therefore, walking the talk should be the underlying principle of charity. Do not offer help if you do not intend to help. And if you want to alleviate the suffering of your friends and relatives, try to understanding their problems and make a specific offer which will most likely be accepted.
“Let me know if you need anything”, “call me if you want anything from me”, “please don’t hesitate to ask for help”, are empty and perfunctory rhetoric devoid of any emotion. We may feel good by uttering such empty words, but the suffering soul does not get any emotional support or relief.
Thanks for reading.
there doesn't seem to be anything here