Nah I doubt anyone gets emotionally satisfied by lesbian porn, I was just confused when you said it made you wet but at the same time didn't do much for you. I see what you mean now.

It's odd. Like, I will get turned on by (sorry to be explicit but) naked women doing sexual things, but I won't really engage with something like portrait de la jeune fille en feu. With male / male it's the opposite. And I don't really know why but if that sort of story is told in a particular way it just seems erotic to me.

So that's why I asked. The idea of a gay relationship clearly holds a particular meaning for you, or there would be nothing to find alluring. I'm really curious about what significance you've assigned it.

If only I knew haha. I think it's tricky to answer, because I know that adult me is probably going to reinterpret adolescent me, and superimpose adult me's understand of the world onto adolescent me's understanding. I'll have a shot at answering your question, but it's hard because memories fade so all I really have is now and what I can remember of the past. And maybe the best solution to all of this is to simply describe it as a paraphilia? Who knows.

Anyway I'll give you a couple of ideas because I've been having a think about this. I think one part of it is the fact that a lot of these story lines focused on pining and repression, so you get more build out of it. Think of the film Maurice as an example. If that pining isn't there then it's not that interesting to me. The other idea I have is that stories between men are a bit easier to read. Bear with me. I am pretty sure I have borderline asd. I suspect that part of this is that men are a little less emotionally complex and easier to read. Take for example portrait de la jeune fille en feu; a lot of that film is the two main leads making eyes at each other. I suspect that a lot of the emotional depth could just be going over my head so I don't engage with it in that way.