This sub gave me hope that I might be able to do something about my gynandromorphophilia. I'm trying my best to change. I'm making good progress, but I need some help.

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[–]oofreesouloo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Regardless of whether or not transwomen really are women, I find myself unattracted to people without a lot of feminine-presenting features — so by this point I was sure that I was straight.

Liking femininity or masculinity has nothing to do with your sexuality. Sorry. Sexual orientation is defined by the sex. Liking femininity or masculinity is a preference WITHIN your sexual orientation. For example, I'm a lesbian and I happen to only like feminine women. But I'm not attracted to trans women because they're males and have the penis 🤢 The penis turns me off INSTANTLY. Or even a neo vagina (an inverted PENIS 🤮). Some of them can be attractive sure, and everyone is free to like whatever they like and should not in any way be shamed for it. But at the end of the day... they're males and that's LITERALLY the reason why I won't be attracted to them. Having said this, there's nothing wrong about liking transwomen... everyone has different tastes and preferences. You could be indeed a straight male with a particular fetish... or simply a bisexual male, I don't know. I really can't help you how not to like transwomen as I'm not attracted to them at all and I was going to suggest to look for professional help as you clearly need to deal with it in a much healthier manner, but you said it yourself that probably it wouldn't help with a psychologist... I think maybe you souldn't hate yourself for liking transwomen in the first place... There's nothing wrong with that. I think the more you fight against the attraction, the worse. Allow yourself to be attracted to them while you also focus on (cis) women. Try to focus, little by little, on women again but without blaming yourself for also liking transwomen. That's the best advice I can possibly think. Hope this helps.

[–]Fickle_Technician 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You could be indeed a straight male with a particular fetish... or simply a bisexual male

Maybe read a study about it before you suggest that I'm bisexual. With all due respect, I don't think you really understand the kind of attraction I'm describing. How can I be bisexual if I get instantly repulsed by watching any non-trans assigned-male-at-birth individual have sexual interaction with another? To me, that's considered being straight. And even if I were truly bisexual, what would that change? I would have to reason to ever come out as bisexual, because I'd never be trying to have sex with anyone who's a self-identified man (or a transwoman either, for that matter). There'd be no point. For all relevant purposes, I'm just straight plus a kink. I'm not trying to bash you for trying to explain your point of view, I'm just suggesting that you should maybe read-up some more on the subject.

I was going to suggest to look for professional help as you clearly need to deal with it in a much healthier manner, but you said it yourself that probably it wouldn't help with a psychologist

Do you think there are any psychologists out there that may be well-equipped to help de-habituate a fetish? If you can put me in contact with someone with a specialization similar to this, that would be a huge help.

[–]oofreesouloo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

How do you feel about really feminine men (I think they're called femboys, not sure though)? Basically like a transwoman but without "fake boobs"? (by the way, I'm just really curious about your situation, not trying to be in any way judgemental)

No, sorry, I really don't know :/ I hope you can find a solution and wish you the best.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey-- I just posted a comment with a link to CBT-certified therapists. A good CBT therapist-- one who has specific training in CBT-- should be equipped to help someone with a fetish/paraphilia. BUT, if you go to a 1st meeting with them and they say it is not their specialty, they can refer you to another therapist who would be better suited to help you. It is pretty normal for a therapist to be like, "Hey, I'm okay at this but I know another therapist who would be ideal for you, can I switch you over to them?"

Also, like you said, fetishes are not the same thing as sexuality. You could be bisexual, but that would be unrelated to your fetish.

[–]Feather 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You need an attitude adjustment. Both people who responded to you in an attempt to help? You responded angrily by implying they didn't understand you and were being jerks.

Your response was basically, "This isn't what I hoped to hear!" Tough shit. What you hope to hear is 100% unrelated to what you ought to hear.

You have a separate, entirely different problem from the one you were asking about:

You're a sensitive flower who, at the first sign that someone maybe doesn't entirely agree with you or understand what you mean, decides they're an asshole.

You look for the worst in people.

That's a FAR bigger problem than your arousal in response to trans porn.

You're not ever going to get help if you assume the worst of every person who tries to help you. You managed to angrily misinterpret two separate people and only apologize once they explained themselves further.

It would have been a lot simpler if you'd skipped the "angrily misinterpreting them" part and gone straight to the "carefully considering what they might actually be saying" part.

Deal with your propensity to think the worst of people who are trying to help you. That's a bad tendency. Then work through your kink related to "girldick".

Being aroused by trans porn may mean you're a person with a destructive kink, but assuming the worst of anyone who tries to help means you're being a shitty person.

Real ethics aren't about agonizing over your own internal storm. They're about how you behave in the world around you. You need to behave better towards other people even when your internal storm is painful.

I think your real problem is that you're too focused on yourself. Spend some time thinking about other people's problems instead of your own problems and do something to help them. Instead of agonizing over your sexual fantasies, contact a local soup kitchen to find out what they need during the pandemic.

[–]artetolife 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Have you looked into the possibility you might have HOCD? Your story sounds similiar to a lot of others I've read, and that would be something you can discuss with a therapist.

[–]Fickle_Technician 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

HOCD

I feel like this space is one of the rare patches of the internet where I can cut past the ideological bullsh@t and get some real help without being derided as a homosexual or as a chaser

Lmao, guess I was wrong.

[–]artetolife 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Couldn't even be bothered to look what it actually means. Enjoy your future dickgirl bride, lmao.

[–]Fickle_Technician 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Is the implication not that most of these HOCD-laden people just need to accept their homosexuality?

If that's not what you're implying, then I may have misjudged your comment. But this website made it seem like that's what you were implying.

[–]artetolife 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Not if it's based in intrusive thoughts and not actually a sexuality. Sex-based OCD obsessions are pretty common so a therapist with experience in OCD should be able to tell the difference.

[–]Fickle_Technician 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Interesting. Well, it seems that I did misjudge your comment then. This is actually the most useful piece of information I've picked up about my situation in a while. You think any therapist with expertise in treating anxiety disorders would be able to help with something like this?

[–]artetolife 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know. But I thought it's something to look into if this situation is distressing to you. I would look for as many (H)OCD resources and support spaces online and figure out if you think that's really a possibility, then you can be more informed when you look for a therapist who wont assume you're asking for conversion therapy.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

First of all, you don’t need to use any trans-created language here. You can call yourself a heterosexual or straight male. Cis and gender-related language was invented by the TRAS. It sounds like you have a paraphilia.

Paraphilia is the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals. Yours is to men that look like women but that have a penis.

Not shaming you here, just giving a possible name to what appears to cause you distress. You have two choices. Either accept that this is your kink or go to a therapist that treats people with a paraphilia that you want help in dealing with.

What other options do you have?

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Hey-- I don't know if you're still looking for help but I read your whole post and wanted to make a few observations, in case you are.

Therapy

GAMP is correctly described as a paraphilia. Mild paraphilias are colloquially called "kinks", and many people ignore or embrace their kinks. But if this is seriously impacting your life, and it sounds like it is, then you deserve to get help with it.

Short answer: The single most reliable treatment for paraphilias seems to be cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You seem already aware of CBT, which is great.

If you choose to do CBT, it is VERY important to try to find a therapist who is trained specifically in CBT. There are at least a few professional organizations that train therapists and issue certifications in CBT; they often have a "Find a Therapist" tool in their website. Here is one such organization, the Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. You can try to see if there are any certified therapists nearby you, if you put in your city:

https://www.academyofct.org/search/custom.asp?id=4410

Worth mentioning: ANY therapist worth their salt will never try to pressure you into dating transwomen. If you walk in and say: "Hey, I do not want to date transwomen anymore," the therapist should 100% respect that, and may even be in violation of ethical guidelines if they try to pressure you into changing your mind.

In case you wanted a couple references about therapy options.

Other thoughts

Paraphilias do not decide an individual's sexual orientation. The development of a paraphilia cannot change sexual orientation. Paraphilia is, by definition, about an atypical sexual association with an object-- it's not about men and women. For example, a homosexual man could have autogynephilia (AGP) and so could a straight man, a bisexual man, etc. Blanchard talked about this with the concept of "pseudobisexuality". I found a data analysis with evidence of this, recently, you're curious.

Also, I don't know that HOCD would solve your paraphilia problem but I also think it could be relevant, esp. if you feel anxious or concerned about your sexual orientation.

Good luck, your reflection and desire to grow as a person are admirable. Sorry some comments here were unnecessarily rude to you.

[–]Fickle_Technician 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Hey, thank you so so so much. This has helped me feel way better. I'll definitely get in touch with a CBT therapist as soon as possible. This is probably the single best comment anyone has ever written for me, on Saidit or Reddit or any other platform for that matter, so it's hard to describe how grateful I am that you put this list of resources together for ways that I might be able to get help.

Sorry some comments here were unnecessarily rude to you.

And yea. Thank you. Y'know, it is what it is I guess. Unfortunately, it's to be expected when dealing with such a sensitive subject — what can ya do. For that reason though, I'm probably gonna delete the original post (and probably some of my comments too), but I'll be sure to keep you updated on my process. Thank you so much once again.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey, no problem!! I'm so glad it was helpful. :) I am very passionate about people being able to get real, evidence-based help through therapy, and this stuff can be really hard to navigate esp. if you don't know where to begin.

Unfortunately, it's to be expected when dealing with such a sensitive subject — what can ya do.

Yup, exactly. This sub is unfortunately not a super ideal place to ask for help-- it is mostly a support/discussion group by people who are affected by those who have a fetish and aren't thoughtful or respectful about it. Maybe I will do a longer post so more people have this information.

Best of luck!!!