California Closes Gyms For 2 Weeks To Slow The Spread Of Fascism

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[–]captainramen🇺🇸🛠️ MAGA Communist 🛠️🇺🇸 5 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 5 fun6 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Joke's on them. I have a home gym where I can continue to build my NAFOesque physique

[–]Centaurea 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Uh oh.

My office is looking into the possibility of banning home gyms," Governor Newsom said. "No civilian needs to own a set of weights that should only be for military use."

[–]CaelianPost No Toasties 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I highly recommend H.L. Mencken's brilliant 1894 essay "Adventures of a Y.M.C.A. Lad" about how his father suggested that he seek out "exercise and fellowship" at the Y.M.C.A.

Instead:

All that the Y.M.C.A.'s horse and rings really accomplished was to fill me with an ineradicable distaste, not only for Christian endeavor in all its forms, but also for every variety of calisthenics, so that I still begrudge the trifling exertion needed to climb in and out of a bathtub, and hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense. If I had my way no man guilty of golf would be eligible to any office of trust or profit under the United States, and all female athletes would be shipped to the white-slave corrals of the Argentine.

It's easily my favorite Mencken essay. Since it's from 1894, you'd think it would be easy to find a legible copy on the Internet, but I didn't have any luck. I have hard copy in The Vintage Mencken, but that's still in copyright.

[–]weavilsatemyface 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's included here although there are a lot of badly OCRed typos.

[–]CaelianPost No Toasties 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks! That scan is better than nothing, but that's why I said "legible" 😺

[–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Do you have a youtube watch for this read? I'm not into books.

[–]CaelianPost No Toasties 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Sorry, no. Maybe someone else can find it.

[–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It being a California gym makes this just perfect.

[–]MeganDelacroix🤡🌎 detainee 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

"I don't trust anyone who takes good care of their physical health. Do you know who else kept themselves physically fit? HITLER!"

 

Hitler was also fanatically opposed to hunting. Democrats must immediately nominate Donald Trump Jr.

[–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Wasn't hitler a junkie?

[–]MeganDelacroix🤡🌎 detainee 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No, he was as opposed to smoking and drinking as he was to hunting. Baldur von Schirach discusses this in detail.

[–]BlackhaloPurity Pony: Pусский бот 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well, except for the amphetamines.

[–]MeganDelacroix🤡🌎 detainee 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure, and cocaine, and possibly a bunch of other things we'd regard as recreational drugs today, but back then they were commonly prescribed for medical reasons. That was just Hitler personally of course. The army used methamphetamines as performance enhancers, and Goering was famously addicted to morphine, so much so that the commandant of Nuremberg often said he'd had to make a man of him. Apparently Goering turned up with an entire suitcase-full, and the commandant joked that he thought he was a drug salesman at first.

[–]CaelianPost No Toasties 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

For Wagner, yes. But I don't think I've ever heard of substance abuse, unless you count chewing on carpets (look up Teppichfresser :-)

[–]weavilsatemyface 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Hitler took aerosolised cocaine for chronic sinusitis and his quack doctor put him on a devil's brew of cocaine, oxycodone, amphetamines, caffeine, and dozens of other substances including steroids, testosterone and other hormones, vitamins, anti-bacterial sulpha drugs, bacteria isolated from human feces, glucose and various "tonics" and more, with something like twenty injections a day.

The Third Reich was basically hooked on crystal meth and other drugs.

[–]CaelianPost No Toasties 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Danke schön!

[–]BlackhaloPurity Pony: Pусский бот 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

I miss when the Onion would make jokes like this. The Bee has been getting a lot better at it.

[–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

The Onion went out of business.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    They actually printed? That's crazy!

    [–]CaelianPost No Toasties 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    Whoa, that makes me feel old. I remember when The Onion was first distributed in Mad City, Wisco. It was just a stack of newspapers placed near other free weeklies. I had no idea that it was satire. It was written in such a realistic style that it took me a while go wait, this can't be true.

    [–]bucetao6969Im a guest here. Do not take my opinion as of a community member 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    It didn't actually go out of business I think. They just joked "they can't beat reality" so they said they "went out of business".