Dove doesn’t make soap. They have to call their chemical bars “moisturizing bars” because they don’t meet the FDA requirements to be designated as a soap. So this company who is too cheap to make soap, but profits from the general public misunderstanding of their actual products, seeks to lecture me about gender politics?

And girls drop out of sports for lots of reasons. So do boys. But girls actually do tend to care more about things like being maimed by a soccer ball to the face or being crippled in some sports related accident. Hell, cheerleading is Uber dangerous, and given the fitness required, it’s definitely a sport to me! And let’s face it. Girls don’t dream of working hard and playing in the WNBA. That’s what dad’s threaten their daughters with to scare them out of being little skanks.

“Britney Griner once looked like you, honey. But one day, she went out on a date with a boy she didn’t tell her dad about, and she came back changed. They had to put her in the WNBA because there was no place else that would take her. Now, do you want to end up like Britney Griner, Chelsea?? Do you?! Do you want to languish in the lonely circus sideshow that is the WNBA?? Keep it in your pants until you’re thirty honey. Trust me on this.”