-Checks notes- "He's on the list, guys"

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[–]LyingSpirit472 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Exactly. If you didn't get your porn from stealing a hobo's stroke mags, you didn't live.

[–]ClassroomPast6178 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I like to think of the bush porn being distributed by the Porn Gnomes, who, in a sort of reverse Wombles of Wimbledon Common, litter the countryside, grass verges and playgrounds around the country with the lowest quality grot that can be found on the top shelves of corner shops.

The modern day lack of bush porn could be because porn moved online or it could be that Porn Gnomes died out, having succumbed to the deadly Savilitis jimmiensis virus.

RIP sweet Porn Gnomes, RIP in peace.

[–]LyingSpirit472 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

The Porn Gnome theory usually works, but bush porn are like holy scrolls, or hole-y scrolls, whatever works. As such, they get passed down from generation to generation, from parent/older brother/skeezy guy who bought it in exchange for them also buying him a six-pack, to high schooler, and from high-schooler to junior high schooler, and from junior high to elementary, always left in a bush waiting for the next person to be deemed worthy of the scroll's power, like Excalibur's sword in the stone. It's a very spiritual passage.

Likewise, the modern day lack also is killed by this, as the original holy scroll seekers soon found the local free alt-weekly newspaper is free, no one will question a person grabbing a copy, and their need for low-quality grot and complete lack of standards means that to them, the phone sex adverts in the back is the same quality grot and gives them the same benefit.