Going a bit crazy now that the site's down

submitted by Throwaway677 from self.TruFemcels

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]Ami 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Thank you for responding, I went into my old discord-specific email and saw some recent notifications from discord that might have to do with the pinkpill site but I’m not sure. I looked back and there were no other emails in forever from discord, so idk what else it could be. I will have to get the app again and check. I had issues on there too but it seemed like a different crowd versus the main sub on the site back then, now things might have changed temporarily if everyone else had nowhere else to go.

(I’m sorry your account was banned, by discord itself or the community? I didn’t realize you were not liked among the community either..jeez, I don’t pick up on that sort of thing too well. And I, myself, can be rather argumentative, but I usually still engage with people I have disagreed with, so long as they’re not trying to invalidate this overall experience.)

I guess I’m flabbergasted that anybody could just “go on with their lives” when it comes to this issue, I certainly can’t. It affects everything. Nothing about my physical situation has changed or can change and thus the consequences have not let up either. I am too old to deal with this shit any longer. I’m done, but still would like to talk with people who can relate during my final moments in this hellscape.

Hmm, I am not sure I would jive with the FA subreddit (beyond a select post or two), Reddit is horrible for these types of issues in general, insanely hypocritical and hostile. As you probably know, despite the ‘trufem’ term I’m also not exactly interested in the emphasis on the lack of romantic/sexual relationships, which I think FA leans more into. Of course it’s a valid part of the problem, but I’d rather talk about the bigger picture and other details about Lookism and being forced to identify with an appearance we had no say in, or no say to undo.
It just goes so far beyond being ‘forever alone’..unless I am misinterpreting the sub’s purpose. (I guess I AM still forever alone in all the other ways that count..so maybe I’ll check the sub out again to see if there’s anything worth reading, I just hate commenting on Reddit.)

Kiwifarms!? The gossip site!? Is that genuinely some place those from the sub would want to congregate to!?
All they do is make fun of people’s looks and justify tearing down “public figures” who clearly have enough problems and humiliation without someone commenting on their every move.
Hell, I have not gone there except to see what it was all about, years ago. I hate that place. I can’t imagine why any unattractive woman would want to step foot in there…unless they want a chance to dish out similarly unsavory sentiments that they had handed to them. I don’t get it. Unless there is a faction of it that I am completely unaware of..

My brain has been disintegrating too, but I don’t hold that against anyone, I know how it is, I can read between the lines. Don’t worry.
Where you are coming from still makes sense to me and I really needed to see SOMEONE commenting SOMETHING after no longer being able to access the site. You provided that (& more) and I thank you very much for it.

This situation makes us all sound like lunatics or morons at some point, it’s not healthy to have to deal with this situation, not at all. Only those who have gone through it can understand. I feel the same about my own writing being word salad at times, I think vCard mentioned she worried about the same thing..most of us only type on keyboards and don’t speak to many people so it makes sense that we can’t verbalize in a coherent manner when we are mostly stuck inside our own heads, of no fault of our own.

And yea, we do repeat ourselves a lot, don’t we lol, I know I do. But what else is there to do but repeat ourselves when life is still the same nightmare, perhaps only becoming progressively worse. Same shit, different day..and nobody listens, hence our becoming a broken record.

Thank you for the nice comment about reading my own words too..yea I’m always so tired..so so tired, I would mostly comment and never post. (This “slump” is a lifelong, uncontrollable spiral into the abyss, my suffering needs to be over soon.) I like to stay under the radar and do better when I can bounce off others’ statements.

Yes, it really is a form of catharsis to know there are other people who know what you’re going through. That’s why I want the site to come back. I only stayed on the trufem and lookism subs because the rest of the site became another animal at times, but I miss even that much. It was much more than I will get anywhere else. I am so incredibly angry that this topic cannot be discussed appropriately and honestly most other places, when it absolutely should be.
I can’t believe how lonely and alienating this existence is, on top of already being so miserable and torturous.. Complaints about other aspects of the human condition are at least less censored. Yet it is somehow taboo to speak plainly about the straight up obvious. The elephant in the room. I’m sick of it.

[–]Throwaway677[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

It's been a while, not sure if you still frequent here but I thought I'd leave a comment just incase. Sorry for the late reply, depression (and very likely a vitamin D deficiency) and a terrible sleeping schedule are disintegrating my brain at an alarming rate. My working memory is awful and I forget things within seconds.

Writing is difficult. I've never been stellar at it but I really have to be in the right frame of mind to do it, which comes at times that aren't particularly conducive for anything.

These past few months have been a sort of awakening and there's a lot I've realised about myself. This is all to say, I'm beginning to notice just how much I'm being impacted by lookism in that I care about nothing else. I'm doing a degree (I'm an older student of course) and the only things I've remembered are things that have to do with lookism. For example I learned about something called the double deviance hypothesis which is where ugly female prisoners get punished both in terms of their sentencing but also by their failing to conform to society's view of what a woman should be in terms of behaviour and appearance. I remember it as if I read about it yesterday and I read that over a year ago. Yet I can barely remember what I had for dinner yesterday, that new person I met on my course's name, the f*cking day of the week—

I simply don't care about anything else. I can't, not when my entirety life has been dictated by it.

Everything just doesn't seem real. I'm ugly but have learned how disguise it as best I can with make-up and other things and the difference in the way I'm treated is just... sad. I think people are pathetic and life is a joke. I can't take anything seriously or care about it when I feel it is inherently devoid of meaning and anything that would warrant respect.

Anyway, the forum's still down, can't say I'm too sad about it other than some writing that appears to be permanently stuck in limbo. It's taught me to be strict with emailing myself the things I write (although admittedly a lot of it makes me cringe).

And yep I was certainly not well liked, a lot of that is my own fault. My emotions are frazzled from all the trauma from lookism. I have years worth of pent up frustration and rage. The difference between me and other people is I lack suave. They probably feel the same as me emotionally but they have the finesse to use it to their advantage or commendeer situations so they don't end up with egg on their face. With me however I get triggered and all those emotions come rushing out. I get angry and I blow up. The focus is on me and my reaction, not the aggressor. Other people know I'm vulnerable in that way and they prey on it. It's entertainment for them to see my highs and lows. The same in real life. But it is what it is.

I can’t imagine why any unattractive woman would want to step foot in there…

Towards the end it was becoming a place for "normies". Lots of posts and comments dismissing lookism. Amongst other more problematic behaviour. Before it went down I was barely posting, only doing so out of desperation because I lack anyone in real life to speak to about such things.

This situation makes us all sound like lunatics or morons at some point, it’s not healthy to have to deal with this situation, not at all. Only those who have gone through it can understand. I feel the same about my own writing being word salad at times, I think vCard mentioned she worried about the same thing..most of us only type on keyboards and don’t speak to many people so it makes sense that we can’t verbalize in a coherent manner when we are mostly stuck inside our own heads, of no fault of our own.

I agree entirely. My grammar and probably everything else could be way better but my brain has pretty much shut down. I'm simply not interested in learning or doing anything. I barely want to be alive. Well I don't, but leaving this place is difficult and typically painful (or extremely expensive/inaccessible to a femcel that knows no one) and I can't tolerate pain so here I am.

That’s why I want the site to come back. I only stayed on the trufem and lookism subs because the rest of the site became another animal at times, but I miss even that much.

Very true. I have migrated over to r/ForeverAloneWomen for the moment although it's pretty much putting a bandaid over an amputated limb. That's what all of this feels like honestly. I try to be content with what other people deem a sad life and I'm told that's not normal and I should be wanting more. Well what I want and what the world is willing to give me doesn't match up so what else is there?

Anyway hope you're keeping well and I do miss being able to read your comments

[–]Airbus320 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Probably fds are taking over the server