Previous relationships

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[–]knownasness 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

i learned that i am better off alone. i am not someone that will ever be loved for who i am, only what i do and provide others. i didn't mind it for a long time because i like to help people, i like to get shit done, but it becomes exhausting very quickly. and also, frankly, i deserve better. i learned that people are absolutely more selfish than i ever thought they could be. i learned that relationships aren't meant to last forever. not the romantic ones, not the platonic ones, not even the familial ones. we are constantly growing and changing and as we do, so do our connections to others. it's probably the hardest thing i've had to come to terms with. i'm not someone that "opens" up to many people because i'm not someone that opens up period.. so when i do, and then i "lose" that connection because their priorities change or our shared interests change or we straight up don't like each other anymore, that's hard for me. i invest a lot into my relationships with everyone. but that's life yanno?

[–]piylot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm very interested in hearing more about how you came to feel this way if you're comfortable answering but understand these can be a bit prying so skip over any/all that are beyond your comfort level sharing - How many relationships have you been in, and how long did they last? How old are you? And do you still date short term / have hook ups etc or what does this mean about what you look for now?

[–]knownasness 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

i'm 32. i've been mutually involved with 5 women. there was one that lasted over a decade, but it was on and off and we were never together for longer than 2.5 consecutive years at a time. the others ranged from 9M to 2Y. i don't date because i no longer believe that the person i "need" or want exists. i thought that the most recent reconciliation with my long time love would be it for me(and us) since we had both gotten "better" during our last break and things were finally perfect. i was wrong. she straight up told me MULTIPLE times that she loved me because of x and y things and the final time she said it is when i realized that she wasn't in it for the same reasons i was. when i thought about why i loved her(or anyone), it didn't come back to this or that thing they do, it was because of who they were. that's how i thought she loved me. that's how i love people. that's how i want to be loved. having that realization(and subsequent breakdown hahah) made me look at all other relationships in my life and saw that it was pretty much the case across the board outside of my current best friend, my nephews and my mom. i don't like that. you shouldn't care less about someone when they aren't useful to you in some form.

[–]whateverbeaver 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Amen!