all 11 comments

[–]SerpensInferna 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I've learned I have a great need to be alone and don't really like being in an intimate relationship. When I am physically attracted to someone, I burn hot and fast and then lose interest and run for the hills once emotional intimacy begins. So basically I'm going to die alone and my cats are going to eat me.

I'm okay with that, most of the time.

It might already seem obvious to many, but I've learned that humans are intensely social creatures who have a strong need for each other and base so much of themselves on their relationships with others. We evolved in a harsh, cruel world where Mother (Nature) runs red in tooth and claw, and we got to where we are now because we clung to each other, and now that all of our basic survival needs are met in spades we're going fucking crazy because something about us inherently needs conflict.

I've learned there will always be some kind of power imbalance in any relationship, and negotiating that so both partners are happy is the key to a pleasant and long lasting union.

I've learned that no matter how little you think of yourself, if you are being treated poorly by your partner, leave. You are better off alone than abused, and your options, even as a lesbian, are far far better than you think they are.

I've learned that sometimes love really isn't enough.

[–]whateverbeaver 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

About relationships: You are really better off alone than in bad company

About myself: You are really better off alone than in bad company

About others: You are really better off alone than in bad company

And on the lighter side, when you find truly good company, cherish it. That shit is rare ;)

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Same. It took me a while to figure this out though.

[–]whateverbeaver 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You’re not alone in that!

[–]MyLongestJourney 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You are really better off alone than in bad company

Hear,hear!

[–]censorshipment 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

About relationships: love languages (acts of service, quality time, receiving/giving gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation) are severely underrated: how you want to receive love and to show love need to match how your partners want to show love and to receive love. For example, I hate receiving words of affirmation... so having a partner who compliments me all the time would irritate the fuck out of me. My love language is quality time (receiving undivided attention to be precise), and I prefer to show love by doing acts of service (I'll do chores, assignments, projects, etc for a partner).

What I've learned about myself is that I'm a bonafide serial monogamist... I don't want to be with one woman for years/decades because I get bored once relationships become routine/tedious. I didn't realize until my 30s that no woman can hold my interest for more than a few months... once I feel like I know her well enough, I have no reason to continue to explore her mind. I enjoy getting to know women during the dating phase... not being in committed relationships with women.

What I've learned from the many women I've dated is astrological compatibility is pretty damn accurate: earth (Taurus/Virgo/Capricorn), water (Cancer/Scorpio/Pisces), and fixed (Taurus/Leo/Scorpio/Aquarius) signs are the worst partners for me. I'm a very masculine woman... my chart is mostly fire/air/mutable signs... and very feminine, tactful, mature women highly annoy me.

I've been binging "The Walking Dead" on Netflix - currently watching S7:E8 - and Carol is the type of woman (the woman she became after her abusive husband Ed was killed in season 1) I'd pursue/chase. She's a cunning killer who looks soft but is more deadly than the men.

[–]Destresse 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol we are polar opposites and my chart is water/earth 🤣 looks like you're right about astro compatibility hahaha

[–]knownasness 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

i learned that i am better off alone. i am not someone that will ever be loved for who i am, only what i do and provide others. i didn't mind it for a long time because i like to help people, i like to get shit done, but it becomes exhausting very quickly. and also, frankly, i deserve better. i learned that people are absolutely more selfish than i ever thought they could be. i learned that relationships aren't meant to last forever. not the romantic ones, not the platonic ones, not even the familial ones. we are constantly growing and changing and as we do, so do our connections to others. it's probably the hardest thing i've had to come to terms with. i'm not someone that "opens" up to many people because i'm not someone that opens up period.. so when i do, and then i "lose" that connection because their priorities change or our shared interests change or we straight up don't like each other anymore, that's hard for me. i invest a lot into my relationships with everyone. but that's life yanno?

[–]piylot 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm very interested in hearing more about how you came to feel this way if you're comfortable answering but understand these can be a bit prying so skip over any/all that are beyond your comfort level sharing - How many relationships have you been in, and how long did they last? How old are you? And do you still date short term / have hook ups etc or what does this mean about what you look for now?

[–]knownasness 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

i'm 32. i've been mutually involved with 5 women. there was one that lasted over a decade, but it was on and off and we were never together for longer than 2.5 consecutive years at a time. the others ranged from 9M to 2Y. i don't date because i no longer believe that the person i "need" or want exists. i thought that the most recent reconciliation with my long time love would be it for me(and us) since we had both gotten "better" during our last break and things were finally perfect. i was wrong. she straight up told me MULTIPLE times that she loved me because of x and y things and the final time she said it is when i realized that she wasn't in it for the same reasons i was. when i thought about why i loved her(or anyone), it didn't come back to this or that thing they do, it was because of who they were. that's how i thought she loved me. that's how i love people. that's how i want to be loved. having that realization(and subsequent breakdown hahah) made me look at all other relationships in my life and saw that it was pretty much the case across the board outside of my current best friend, my nephews and my mom. i don't like that. you shouldn't care less about someone when they aren't useful to you in some form.

[–]whateverbeaver 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Amen!