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[–]carrotcake 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I feel the same. I have this overpowering feeling that men describe when they are talking about sexual attraction. The difference is that I've been on the other side and have been sexualized and treated like an object for being a woman so I know better how to act and what to do with my feelings. In other words I know how to control this non-controllable feeling they talk about.

Having said that, I never thought I was asexual. On the other hand I did think for a while that I wasn't a lesbian, I was just sexualizing women's bodies because I live in a world that does that so that's what I learned to do. We always find ways to fool ourselves.

[–]just_lesbian_things 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

In other words I know how to control this non-controllable feeling they talk about.

Same!

The funny thing is, most people mistake me for asexual/aromantic before I come out to them. I'm not. I fall really hard for women, the whole blushing, stuttering nine yards. I definitely have a sex drive. I've done incredibly stupid things for love. I definitely understand the overwhelming feeling people talk about. The difference is that I keep a tight hold on my situation while a lot of men seem to let it spew everywhere. I never had that luxury. I had to learn to keep it to myself and I had to learn early.

I think part of it (the bad part) is that I'm afraid of homophobic backlash. As a teen/preteen, I was afraid of being outed against my will. Getting a grip on my feelings and having a good (or, decent) poker face was extremely important. It's less important now, but old habits die hard.

The good part is I understand how uncomfortable men have made me and I never, ever want to put another woman in that position. These feelings are my own, it's not fair to force other people to deal with them.