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[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I mean you have to accept they this is in the realm of possibility in terms of solutions because sometimes people will not want to better themselves. We cannot advice you as if this isn’t one of the outcomes. We don’t have some magical solution to make you attracted to her or any other woman that gains weight. If anything counseling? But it’s perfectly normal to not be attracted to someone that gains a significant amount of weight. If this woman is your future and your steadfast you have to make peace with the fact that this might be who she is for the rest of her life. We cannot tell you how to be turned on by her body.

[–]HighPlainsDrifter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I am pretty sure that there is a lesbian out there that has had my issue and they were able to readjust their world view or their thoughts in order to reignite their sex life. I guess I was hoping one of them would be on this forum so they could share what they did and how they helped themselves be better partners. If everyone just bails on the person they love because of a fairly common problem like weight gain then that just seems really sad and lonely.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Try feeling how much you love her every time you look at her. Maybe that will help. Maybe it will even help her. She is probably able to pick up you being withdrawn physically and that is likely painful on some level. Women notice small changes when they have been together a long time. If she feels rejected that’s rough. If you feel like an asshole, that’s also rough. It makes you both feel bad. Try and literally feel the love in your body when you look at her, try to keep it in your eyes and voice. Hold her hand. Maybe things are so hard right now you are having a hard time accessing good feelings in yourself.

[–]spirette 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

that is really good advice imo

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks. It’s so heartbreaking to see such a struggle when the people love each other. Sometimes having problems just makes it so hard to access any good feelings, even though they exist. But the love IS in there. Years of it.