Let's highlight this little comment here:

Gay spaces have a big transphobia problem. Our situations are different but our experiences are pretty similar, I'm non passing and ace and the few gay spaces that are around me feel completely alien, when they're not downright transphobic and hostile. It sucks technically belonging to a group but ending up being an outsider because of things out of my control. I wish I had a solution, but the only thing I can think of is a bigger push to address transphobia in cis gay guys, though I don't know if that will ever deal with the revulsion to certain body parts. Some people might say that's just a preference and not transphobia, but I think when that 'preference' is on such a wide scale something more is probably going on

It feels alien because you're trying to invade a space that is not made to cater to you.

You're not a gay men, my dear. Hell, you don't even self-id as gay! What are you even on about?!

Also, no amount of "activism" is going to make actual gay people feel attracted to you. At best some may feel sorry and pretend to find you hot, but they'll mock you behind closed doors.

That's how actual gay culture works.