What if masculine isn’t who we are, and what if our gender markers set us apart from “men only” spaces

What if they're not into effeminate men? What if they're gay males who want other gay males without the gender baggage you're bringing?

Allowing myself to live unapologetically as a non-binary person, within the bear community, has helped me to understand that we as a community are far too constrained by society’s definition of what is an acceptable body type.

It's not about body type; it's about your self-declared identity signalling a big red flag to them and causing them to stay the fuck away. You are unwittingly demonstrating a dating equivalent of aposematism and then complaining about the results you get.

I present as quite femme, despite having a beard, and a belly, and hair. I love wearing earrings, I love wearing flamboyant clothes with radical queer slogans on them. I love wearing highlighter on my cheeks and letting my wrist hang limp as I swish about the dancefloor like a fairy.

I’ve been told before that I’m too femme, that I’m not a “man’s man”. Well fellas, that’s because I don’t consider myself a man at all.

Gay men want gay men. You already claim you're not a man so you're being homophobic, and you're admitting you're extremely effeminate which quite frankly isn't going to be to everyone's taste and that's not something that they need to apologize for.