I asked a question because I was confused (this was in an online space, not at all lgbt related, but they’d made a post about making sure to use “inclusive language” and I was looking for clarity so I didn’t upset or offend anyone). I got a bunch of responses attacking me for my “cis privilege” and telling me to educate myself. They told me it was inevitable that I held some level of transphobia (just because I’m “cis”) and that I should examine myself and my biases. A lot of “be better” and “don’t question other’s identities” and an ironic “listen to trans people when we speak because we understand better than you” (understand what, exactly idk because nobody attempted to answer). I genuinely felt horrible, I felt guilty and like I’d disrespected people who were constantly being disrespected and abused. I asked for sites and sources to read so I could educate myself. They then told me that they weren’t going to “do the work” for me, that they were tired of the emotional labor (I guess copying and pasting a link was emotionally draining 🙄), one person even said he’d (“she’d”) send me links and answer my questions if I payed him, and conveniently linked his Venmo and PayPal accounts.

My gut told me this was a rude and irrational reaction, but it came from so many people and I like I said I felt guilty, so I ignored my gut and told myself that they were right and I needed to be a better ally. So I attempted to “educate myself”. I read a lot of tra approved articles that didn’t make sense and eventually accidentally found some gender critical articles and just some articles that weren’t necessarily “gc”, but were addressing some of the tra rhetoric and the contradictions within it. I started to agree that the ideology didn’t make much sense, but I still felt like it was better to support the trans community and be an ally since they faced so much discrimination and violence...

... then I found the real statistics on the suicide rates and murder/attack rates, and then I found Reddit subs through a link on a site. Which led me to the gcdebatesqt sub on Reddit where I saw tras and trans people debate gender critical people. I saw questions that normally go unaddressed being answered. I saw straight from the mouth (well fingers) of trans people how they saw women, how they viewed sexuality and sex itself. I didn’t comment or even have an account, I just read. And ended up making a throw away and going to trans subs and seeing even more unfiltered misogyny and delusions. I saw so much evidence of unchecked mental illness, hatred for women, rape apologia and incel speak, I literally felt sick to my stomach, but I still felt guilty for some reason.

So, I used my throwaway to make a post in the debate sub, I didn’t state any opinions, I just asked questions that I had before and that had come up since I attempted to “educate myself” to be a better ally.

The responses, from both gc and qt, coupled with the amount of lies, misinformation, and manipulation I saw once I got past the articles written by trans people or tras, is what made me become more vocal. But I think what broke me was just the fact that they refused to deal with any concerns or questions any one has. They just attempt to silence people, they tell us we are wrong but can’t answer questions or tell us why they are right. It’s all about feelings- but only their feelings matter.

If they had answered my questions, I’d have accepted their answer and never dug deeper.

I didn’t expect this to be that long lol my bad