I, too, don't really understand why people do this, and I take umbrage at the implication that I'm uneducated. I've spent a lot of time and money on my (formal) education, Don'T InVALidAtE mE BiTch.

But, from things I have read in other parts of the internet, and what people have told me, I gather the dismissiveness comes from a concept they like to call 'emotional labo[u]r'.

As I understand it, what this means is that being special (or black, or a woman or whatever, basically anyone who isn't a straight, white, cis, man) is exhausting and they don't have the energy to answer your questions because just existing in this white, cis-hetero-patriarchal society is a struggle enough, it's not their job to raise you from your ignorance AS WELL as just navigating the world.

This is, of course, nonsense. If you choose to make yourself a queer pomodorosexual non-binary trans otherkin of colour, and this is how you present yourself to the world, you don't get to roll your eyes when people ask you questions in good faith about what any of that nonsense actually means. Fair enough if someone is taking the piss, but if it's a genuine request for information, then you shouldn't just brush this stuff off.

I don't know. I don't want to have one rule for me, one rule for thee. These people are human, and being bombarded with questions about sexuality / gender identity or whatever could certainly be grating. But then my advice would be think very carefully about how you present yourself to the world.