DiscussionWe've had threads on asexuality, what about demisexuality?

submitted by hyunnahh from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Mertion 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

What's the point of inventing a new label just to say that they don't want casual sex? That’s completely unnecessary and sounds more like a cry for attention, like most of these new sexualities that people are inventing these days.

At least asexual can say that is a way to let others know that they don't want to have sex. But there are many so called "asexuals" that break this rule and claim that asexuals can still have sex. Which make the entire label completely worthless. Seriously, when they say, “I can let my partner have sex with my body, but I won’t enjoy it”, do they understand how fuck up that sounds? How in that hell can that be called a healthy relationship.

[–]justasking918273Ally 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Asexuals can have sex just like homosexuals could have sex with a member of the other sex. It gets weird when they willingly do it and enjoy it because that goes against what asexuality (or sexual orientation in general) is.

As for relationships, I have a friend who's not at all interested in sex but had it anyway because she thought it's just what you do in relationships and she never questioned it. Needless to say, her relationships failed because of her disinterest in sex. She's not at all prudish, she just didn't really understand that most people genuinely want sex. So this definitely happens.

[–]8bitgay 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Did she tell you what does she understand by sex? Genuine question.

The thing for me is that lots of people aren't interested in penetration. This doesn't mean they aren't interested in other sexual or erotic interactions. I've talked with some guys who defined themselves as asexual gay men, and as I talked with them I found out they described themselves as asexual simply because they weren't into penetration.

[–]justasking918273Ally 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Interesting question...no, I've never asked. All I know is that she did participate in PIV sex and never felt sexual attraction.

May I ask what you define as "erotic interaction"?

On a side note, I also call myself asexual because I've never felt any kind of sexual attraction towards anyone (and just for reference, I've never been sexually abused and only mildly harassed, no trauma, no mental illness, no autism, take no medication whatsoever) and have no interest in any kind of sex, penetration or not.

[–]8bitgay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

May I ask what you define as "erotic interaction"?

I'm not really sure myself, but I kinda define things based on a line of "would you do that with your parent/sibling/kid/dog/friend?". You can love your kid. You can hug your sibling. You can sleep in the same bed as your dog. You can kiss your parent. You might choose to live your entire life living together with a friend.

But there are certain interactions that you wouldn't do with these people, because some interactions cross the line from the realm of platonic to the realm of romantic or erotic.

[–]justasking918273Ally 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think I get what you mean, stuff like French kissing for example (as opposed to the sort of "dry kiss" a parent might give a child). I was just asking because whenever it comes to asexuals being in "romantic" relationships the topic of physical closeness comes up and some people seem to see for example cuddling as someone that only happens with a romantic partner but to me for example it's just something that requires a certain level of emotional intimacy, independent of whether that'd be in a relationship or not.

Personally, I do want physical closeness, I'm just not interested in or even averse to anything sexual or erotic. (I want to add that the aversion is because I just somehow don't "get" it, so no past experiences or anything.)

[–]Mertion 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's an interesting point. Yes, those type of relationships do indeed exist but the ones I know don't identify themselves as asexual. They just identify themselves as gay.

Would it be useful for gay men are not interested in anal sex to call themselves asexual? I am not really sure. It's true that if you call yourself gay, most people would assume that you are interested in anal sex but at the same time, would it not be the same problem if you call yourself asexual? Just the other way around? I really don't know the answer.

I just believe that all these labels (other than straight, gay and bisexual) are not necessary, you can just say that you are a gay man that is not interested in anal sex.

[–]justasking918273Ally 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Not OP but when I, as a non-homosexual person, think of what homosexual people might do I don't think of anal sex or anything involving penetration necessarily. However, when I think of hetero sex I think of PIV sex first. I guess what these people might call themselves depends on what they think the expectation is for what types of sexual interaction are likely to occur.

[–]8bitgay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In the end of the day I don't really care, I don't wanna police how people feel about themselves, how they define themselves. I don't understand asexuality, but if someone identifies as asexual that's their deal, not mine. It just bothers me when it's straight asexual people claiming to be LGBT, or doing the whole "I'm more oppressed than you" thing. It also bothers me when people have such a limited view on sexuality that anyone that isn't obsessed with sex becomes part of the asexual spectrum.

And it also becomes a personal issue when an asexual guy gets into me. It's a bit frustrating when it seems like he's a nice guy, but in this situation we don't have compatible sexualities.

Talking about that, once there was this asexual guy getting quite invasive asking me if I was top or bottom. For someone who supposedly doesn't feel sexual attraction he was quite demanding about his sexual preferences haha