Such progress!

submitted by artetolife from i.imgur.com

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

That's also not true, though.

At most, it would be a combination of biological and environmental factors, so a biological predisposition is also involved.

So far nobody has found any concrete evidence towards it being biological. I'm not sure why you'd want it to be either, because this exactly how we start steering towards giving babies with "the gay gene" (or whatever it may be) away/choosing not to have them.

Either way, the fact that it is a "mental process" doesn't mean that you can just think your way out of it or whatever.

And I never said it was that easy. I'm fully aware that 1. It's not, and 2. I may never find a solution. The same could be said for my mental disorders. People can and do recover from mental illness, but I've had mine for as long as I can remember and they don't easily go away.

All I want is the chance to try and recover, both from mental illness and to fix whatever's wrong with my sexuality. The problem is people don't even give me the option, I'm apparently not allowed to make these decisions for myself as an adult and it's inherently "homophobic" of me to question it.

Once again, sex and sexual orientation are entirely different concepts. It is therefore a false equivalence because the two concepts are not equivalent, and not comparable.

A comparison that actually works would be: How is telling me that I need to "get over my internalized homophobia" and accept being gay, even if it causes me problems and I don't even function like other homosexuals, not the same as a TRA telling me I have "internalized transphobia" and need to become MTF because I'm "girly", even if I like the way I am?

Why is my choice "bigoted" and wrong if it only affects me?

so you blaming your suffering on the activist screaming HOMOPHOBIA REEEE doesn't even make sense.

LGBT activists are quite literally the ones preventing this research from being done, though, that's my point. If society wasn't pushing the idea that gay = a gift from god and that questioning it makes you a literal Nazi, I believe we'd be miles ahead in understanding why it happens and how. I mean fuck, some countries are banning "conversion therapy" so hard that it extends to refusing to let someone "transition" - that's how fucked things are. Until the majority people do away with this line of thinking that being trans isn't fantastic and that you're not allowed to question or dislike your homosexuality, we'll never make progress in scientific research, because people can and do quite literally campaign to have those sorts of things banned.

I'm angry because if it wasn't for shitty activism, I might of found a way to cope by now.

[–]nosympathy 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Well, saying that it's environmental could also lead people to be like "if we raise our children well we can prevent them from becoming gay!!" or whatever. Both sides could use either explanation to further an agenda.

And your comparison doesn't make sense. Since you already are homosexual, it makes more sense to accept it than to try to change it. If you're a man, it would be harder to change yourself into a woman. I compared them because of the similar thought process: a person that has an unchangeable trait (being a man/woman & being gay), which causes them distress. Instead of trying to live with it, they fixate on the idea that they could someday change their sex/sexual orientation. You seem to think that just because you don't like being gay, it is "a mistake" or a disorder. In the same manner, trans people assume that because they don't like their sex, it was "a mistake" and they were "born in the wrong body".

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Since you already are homosexual, it makes more sense to accept it than to try to change it

"Since I am already depressed it makes more sense to accept it and continue living an unproductive life than try to change it." What? I seriously don't understand the logic here.

If you're a man, it would be harder to change yourself into a woman.

"Harder?" Changing sex is impossible.

a person that has an unchangeable trait (being a man/woman & being gay),

The issue here is that you seem to think that sexual orientation is a distinct, innate physical feature, like sex, or your height. It is not.

You seem to think that just because you don't like being gay, it is "a mistake" or a disorder.

Because I don't just dislike it for random reasons or because of "society." I am literally incapable of holding healthy relationships because I am repulsed by men and feel unsafe with them, like I'm not supposed to be with them, but I can't feel attraction to women & female genitalia kind of freak me out. I have never loved a man, I don't believe I ever will, and I've never even been truly sexually attracted to a real male.

And before you say it, no, I am not "asexual" nor "aromantic" and neither of those concepts are remotely healthy. I am very miserable alone, but like I said, how exactly do you hold a healthy relationship when your sexuality contradicts itself?

Everything in me says it's "wrong" - not morally, but functionally. I believe there is something wrong with my brain that causes this contradiction or "mismatch." I have other neurological symptoms, especially around sensory matters, so it is not farfetched to say that my "broken" sexuality is indeed part of it. On top of that I had a terrible childhood, which I believe was either the cause or a seriously big factor.

To put it simply, I cannot "accept" my homosexuality because there is nothing to accept. By telling me to accept it, you are telling me "It's okay that you're miserable and incapable of having a relationship, it's okay that your body sexually responds to penises but the idea of being with men makes you extremely uncomfortable. You need to put yourself into an unhealthy relationship and embrace feeling scared, hurt, and confused!"

This is NOT in any way comparable to a fetishist or an idiot who decides they "want to be a woman" for arbitrary reasons. I have yet to see a trans person who ACTUALLY has something wrong that would justify a hypothetical "sex change", their reasons are usually trivial and superficial. Comparing TRA nonsense to my situation is really ignorant, not to mention it doesn't even work.

All I want to do is to be normal and be able to have healthy relationships and not be alone. That is not too much to ask, and it is EXTREMELY different from demanding impossible "sex changes" because someone watched too much anime porn.

[–]nosympathy 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You seem to forget that not all trans people transition because of a fetish or for social acceptance. What you're describing is exactly how many trans people describe dysphoria, and how they just feel "wrong" in their body - also not because of any moral/social reasons.

Also I don't believe that "accepting that you're gay" means "forcing yourself to be in unhealthy relationships". If you want to be in a relationship, it would either be with a man or with a woman, and both options seem unsatisfactory for you either way. So you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I sympathize with your situation, and since I'm not qualified to help you, I'll just leave you with this: why do you think learning to like female genitalia would be preferable over learning to not be repulsed by men? Most people would assume that you just want a healthy sexuality, not a straight one. That is probably why people are accusing you of internalized homophobia.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, it's nothing like "dysphoria." "Dysphoria" is a made up concept, and it doesn't prevent someone from having healthy relationships.

why do you think learning to like female genitalia would be preferable over learning to not be repulsed by men?

Because;

  1. The repulse towards men seems way, WAY stronger than one part of the female body.
  2. I have what I can only describe as occasional "straight behaviors" that gay men don't seem to have. I find myself wishing I had a female partner and that I could have biological kids, those thoughts come naturally to me, I just can't act on them because sex with women is not something my body responds to, and mentally, part of it causes me discomfort. This level of discomfort also varies. My discomfort with men does not.
  3. I do not believe most men are capable of love, what I have seen from the "gay community" is a disaster, and if I have a choice then I am not going to deal with the disaster of trying to find a male partner actually capable of love and dodging all the weird "culture"/stereotyping/toxicity that comes from "the gay community."
  4. It's simply what I want. Why is that an issue?

Most people would assume that you just want a healthy sexuality, not a straight one. That is probably why people are accusing you of internalized homophobia.

You have to remember that heterosexuality is the natural and expected for beings that reproduce sexually. Again, why is it an issue if I think that's right for me? I truly believe I wouldn't have turned out homosexual if I had a healthy childhood, and some heterosexual instincts are clearly still in me, so why wouldn't it make sense that this is the healthy option for me?