I'm glad you got out from under the thumb of your mom. Getting away from NPD parents can be really really hard. Not just from the fact that NPD people are impossible to reason with and very controlling but the fact of the matter is no one really WANTS to cut family out of their life. Things have to go really south for one to do that....I feel for you with trying to explain it to others. My dad as well has a very sweet side and used his money to help many people, but never his family. A cousin of his pulled me aside at a family gathering and told me that my grandfather (who died when I was like 8 so I don't really have much of a memory of him) was the exact same way. He treated outsiders like family and family like shit. I actually feel sorry for my dad these days. He has dementia and ironically dementia eats away at the NPD area first so he's become a bit of a different person and gets really sad when I tell him how he treated his children when we were younger. It's gotten to the point that I don't even bring it up anymore because it serves no point. It only hurts him and wont change the past anyways.

As to well intentioned outsiders....I honestly think most of them had bad intentions for me and were only too happy to shit all over me and my siblings for that cold hard cash. People who work for the wealthy normally hate their children and treat them like garbage. This isn't exclusive to rich NPD parents I grew up in wealthy area and saw it all the time. The parents are totally detached in their own lives, see their children maybe once or twice a day (or week) and the rest of the time the kids are raised by the hired help, who despise them. I think the main difference was my dad would fire anyone who told him his treatment of his children was immoral and actively seek out people who would do his bidding. I was told numerous times by outgoing help that they were leaving because they had told my father that he was making us miserable and my dad had literally said "their feelings don't matter," and then fired them.