Jacob Tobia and Alok Vaid-Menon are femme nonbinary icons. But that won't get them dates, and the reasons why speak volumes about our discomfort with those who exist between genders.

I'm getting repetitive, but gosh they contradict themselves so much.

Their definition of being gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight all exclude non-binary people, at least in theory. According to them, gay men feel attraction to everyone who identify as men (including trans men in their view). Their definitions of lesbian/bisexual/straight follow the same pattern.

By their own definition, non-binary people aren't men/women. Even if they claim to sometimes identify as men/women, it still means they aren't men/women. If someone identifies as male 90% at the time, how could I date that person? Should I ignore them during that 10% of time they identify as non-male? By their own definition, as a gay man, if I dated someone who don't identify as man 100% of the time I'm invalidating their gender identity.

The supposedly femme-friendly gay guy they'd been hanging out with for weeks told them he didn't end up reciprocating their crush.

Here, for example. For all we know the gay guy in question might be dating lots of feminine men. But somehow he needs to date someone who doesn't identify as man? This isn't being unfriendly to feminine people, this is following your own sexuality, and by their own rules on top of that!

"OMG, I'm going to switch my gender to 'woman' too so I can look at straight guys!" / I personally felt that dating straight-identified men was the right choice. / "Straight boys are soooo cuuuute," Alok said as they and Jacob started swiping

Funny how they never thought about trying to go for other non-binary and pansexual people. Totally fine for them to have their preferences, it seems.

Instead, what I learned during the social experiment that followed is that Jacob and Alok, like many gender nonconforming femmes, live in a world where admirers applaud them for their radical politics on social media, and people they're attracted to associate with them because of their slayworthiness and social capital, but refuse to make love to them, or at least fuck them well.

This here is just amazing. So what they're saying is that these people are already admired and respected. So what they're looking for is not to be respected - they're demanding sex, and in a very clear, incel-like way.

Thanks for sharing this article. I think this is a valuable answer for when people say things like "no one is demanding sex, we just want to be respected".

A bit of sanity in response: https://medium.com/@cammy.exe/jacob-tobia-promotes-niceguyness-as-trans-oppression-13843d38b50a