Targeting / HarassmentThis NEVER happens: "A trans man is trying to get me kicked out of my master’s program because I won’t fuck him"

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[–]TurkishCoffee 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

That's the worst part about this to me. People never believe that even if a group is systematically oppressed, there are gonna be some reaaaaal narcissistic psychopaths that DO exist (i mean really, any slice of the population large enough and that statement will be true, no matter how you do the slicing...other than specifically "not narcissistic assholes" as a slice..). And those people are not above using any and all cards, tricks, and lies to get what they want. Which of course backfires spectacularly on oppressed groups as a whole, but they don't care.

Women, Black people. Gay people. Trans people. Hippies. Witches. Whatever, find enough of them (for any value of "them") and sooner or later you're gonna find a complete whackjob cluster b personality.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Exactly. Nobody should be drinking any Kool-Aid that suggests a group of people is 100% innocent people only. This is why the "believe all women" delusion gets me jumping out of my chair and waiving alllll kinds of red flags trying to wake people up before they're next. But many of them do not want to wake up. Guess what: It doesn't matter if, statistically, the number of such abusers is small, when it's you who is getting targeted, abused, not believed, and having your life ruined. Once in a while a person like this even drives their victim to end their life. It is not a game or theoretical. These people are real.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Don't laugh but the Justin Bieber situation was finally what woke me up to that "believe all women" garbage. I was sitting here reading the accuser's statement, and in my heart I'm feeling like "this sounds totally like shitty fan-fiction" but my head was telling me that I'm a horrible person for not wanting to believe this, and I was accusing myself like "Well, just because you like a few Bieber songs, you are looking for excuses to not believe this woman" but that wasn't even true, the story just looked like absolute shit and pure fiction. I was so relived when Bieber's team finally came out and provided evidence that there was not once chance this could be true, but after that, I had to reckon with myself.

I was so ready to push down all my legit doubts and be like......... shit, I guess she's a woman and I better believe.... And that's not cool. I should know better. It should have never been an internal battle. It should have been "Nope! This story looks like doo-doo. I reserve the right to DOUBT!" from the very beginning. In a way, I'm glad it happened so that I was able to learn from that experience and trust my gut more.

Anyway /coolstorysis.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yep. Our guts are our friends. I listen to mine without debate now, even when I'd like to talk myself out of it, because it has never been wrong, but I've also loaded a lot of, shall we say, virus definitions to better detect predators, in the form of studying red flags and actual people exhibiting them. On a related note, I've never been willing to believe that Johnny Depp (about whom I am indifferent) was the main perpetrator vs. Amber Heard. Just reviewing some articles and photos of her—she has the same predatory, smug, satisfied look I have seen countless times with BPD / NPD predators I have personally encountered. Oh, and look:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-53393254

We weren't there so we'll never know, but narcissistic abusers very often accuse other people of whatever it is that they have been doing. I think most of us might have noticed that at this point, given the stain inhabiting the WH presently. And they are particularly fond of launching attacks against a person once they have someone new under their control. That might have been Musk in this case.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

People also shouldn't think one group is specifically bad either. The whole "white men are the root of all evil" is harmful too.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Which, curiously, seems to be the reason at least some men want to slide over into non-binary status. I know a couple of these. Gentle, kind, intelligent people, maybe a bit cowardly, and obviously not fooling anyone since they changed nothing about their obviously-male appearance, body language, etc., but they do seem to want to hide in the corner. Given what other people who look like them do and the well-deserved backlash for all of that, it's not surprising. Think of all the young women who want to get out of the many negative experiences of being a woman by being trans instead.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Gonna have to disagree with you on the well deserved bit. People shouldnt be judged for others actions. Maybe I'm misreading what you are saying though.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Given what other people who look like them do and the well-deserved backlash for all of that

I specified the actual perpetrators of uncool stuff, though. Does that help? I agree with you that specificity is important. I drive people nuts IRL with requiring them to account for it.