No, I didn't say no. At first I thought he just couldn't get it in my vagina and was slipping up, then he asked if I'd ever had anal which is when I realised what he was trying to do. I said no I hadn't, and I wouldn't recommend it because of my upset belly, when he kept trying I said "I have lube" because all I could think was that anal needs lube and if there was lube it wouldn't hurt, and it was literally on the shelf right in front of my face, he didn't hear me so I repeated it but like a second after I finished saying it he was in me fully and then pushed my upper body down while he did it. I just kinda froze. All I could think was "oh god this is happening, he's in my ass, I didn't want this, I can't believe he's in my ass" And that it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, that if I could rub my clit maybe I could even get off, but I was frozen. Then he finished inside me and it was over. I straightened myself up and I looked at his penis to see if there was any mess. I was anxious his dick would be poopy and I was worried he'd be disgusted. I was relieved when I saw it was clean, then I turned around and sat down.

Last time we hooked up he finished quickly but still fingered me afterward so I could get off. I was still kinda hoping I could get him hard again so I could have some enjoyment too, but my brain was like "he's been in your ass, you don't want a UTI by having PIV now" and I sat there for a bit before I played with him some more because I didn't know what else to do. I thought maybe if I got him hard and he fucked me so I could cum too that it would make up for it and I could just write it off as rough sex. But instead I ended up sucking him off twice, which is making me feel icky, partly because of where his dick had been but also because it doesn't make sense that I would give him more pleasure after what he did.

As soon as it became clear he couldn't get hard again I jumped off my bed and got dressed. And kinda hustled him out as soon as I could. I walked him to the door and then went back to my room. I started to clean my room up because I needed to play with my pet rats, I was running late, but pretty quickly sat on my bed and broke down.

I wish I'd said no, maybe if I'd said no he would've understood I didn't want it, like maybe I didn't make it clear enough and that's why he did it anyway. I was overwhelmed and it happened so quickly and all I could think of was what was happening and what it meant.

Once I went to the bathroom and wiped and saw blood (only a little, I think he just scratched the outside somehow, or just small tears from lack of lube) it really hit. I've played with my own butt plenty, it's something I do enjoy, but never ever have I bled from it, even with things larger than his penis is.

I realised after I posted this original post that before he had me bend over, he told me to get his penis nice and wet, "trust me", and I just thought he wanted a sloppy BJ, but now I realise it's because he intended to stick it in my ass.

I'm still just conflicted about it. I feel like I didn't make it clear enough that I didn't want it, but also who the fuck sticks something up someone's ass without any lube or talking or at least asking if they're ok with it first?!