Any of you ladies have any knowledge/thoughts/advice on birth control for a teen?

submitted by Yayme from (self.GenderCritical)

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[–]GrendelsScaryMom 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

14 is too young to be having intercourse, you are right. Consider instituting a "no closed door" policy.

[–]Yayme[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I did tell her no going off in to the gym and closing the door to make-out after that, thanks for the suggestion.

It's been SUCH a battle. I make one rule, they find a way do the same thing without technically breaking the rule. I know kids are supposed to push boundaries, that's part of growing up.... but wow it's making me stressed out and probably even a little paranoid.

[–]Pantsfeet 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Good luck, Yayme. I'm not a parent but I do have a niece about your daughter's age that I often worry about. She's a bit naive and the type to put others above her own feelings and discomfort. I've been wondering if I should have a frank talk with her about BC or straight up scar her with horror stories about men :D I didn't have sex until 17 and truly regret all of my teenage relationship (so much that I haven't dated or had sex since). If I did have children I'd probably rule with an iron fist - I don't even like my niece having an unmonitored phone. It sounds like you have a pretty balanced approach - all you can really do is your best as a parent.

[–]Yayme[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If I did have children I'd probably rule with an iron fist

It's just important to remember that they grow up. You're trying to raise a well-adjusted adult, not just have a well-behaved kid. They're not going to be kids forever, so you want to allow them to make mistakes while you still have some influence over them, so you are there to help guide them. That's why I think it's self-defeating to be so strict your kid is afraid to talk to you. Then all you've done is take away what should be their most valuable resource - YOU! And all your motherly wisdom.

And honestly, kids are like a behavioral mirror, so it's pretty easy to see where you're fucking up, because you can see the shitty behavior in them. When mine was little, I used to wag my finger in her face when I scolded her. I'd crouch down to her level, and say sternly "I told you not to draw on the wall!" while wagging finger in her face.

Then one day she wagged her finger in my face when she was talking to me. It SUCKED! I hated it. I felt like I was being intimidated, and almost threatened. I couldn't believe I'd been doing that to her for years!

The parenting books really help. Some of it is totally unrealistic, and would only work on an imaginary child... but the fundamentals are sound. Like you can count them for stop behavior - "STOP DOING THAT! 1....2.....3...." But you have to motivate start behavior - "You need to start cleaning your room, then you can have friends over!"

[–]Pantsfeet 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for the thoughtful response, though i should have indicated that I was (mostly) joking. The kids think I'm the easy-going fun one compared to their guardian, so I often joke that I'd "rule with an iron fist" if they lived with me.

There are some parenting trends/ideas I've noticed that seem...odd to me. Kids are trusted with the responsibility of having a phone and managing themselves responsibly online at younger and younger ages. Of course my nieces and nephews were always quick to point out so-and-so had a phone at 8, they have social media, their allowed to password protect their phone, etc. As we know all too well, children are supposed to be trusted to know their gender identity and get hormone treatment. And of course, we're supposed to let children have 100% privacy and trust to make good decisions when it comes to sex. And yet many of these kids are coddled when it comes to basic things and have never been allowed to fail or been told no.

Sorry for the rant, it turned out longer than I meant! I don't think anyone here is guilty of the above. I just have a niece that thinks she's smart enough to go online in private but would starve without someone to cook for her and can't work a washing machine!