My daughter is 14, and she has a boyfriend. I'm pretty positive neither of them are at the point where they're trying to "go all the way." But I do know they're smooching and cuddling. And I worry that at some point it's going to get to sex. I had sex for the first time when I was 15... so obviously I'm very aware that it can happen. So I thought maybe I should put her on the pill.
But now I'm worried that putting a bunch of hormones in my very young daughter is a bad idea. I actually had a blood clot in my 20ies, and the doctor said it was from birth control. Plus I've been reading about how it can inhibit muscle mass gain, and it redistributes fat to the hips, thighs, and breasts, and it makes you retain water.
I'm just not sure what the right thing to do here is. I've talked to her, and at first she said no because she didn't want to gain weight. I told her it was probably best to do it now, before she was actually having sex... because if we waited at some point she was going to have to come up to me and say "Hey Mom, I'm planning to have sex, let's get some birth control." And my concern was that 1 - she wold be too embarrassed to talk to me first, and 2 - it might happening before she plans it.
So last night her and her boyfriend were downstairs in the basement hanging out. I went down to "see if they were hungry" (check on them) and they were in the gym with the door closed. When they heard me come down, they came out and seemed pretty flustered. My daughter did tell me later in the evening that they were kissing, and they kissed using tongues for the first time. And that she didn't plan on doing that, but it just seemed to happen. So she had reconsidered, and maybe it was best to get on birth control, because she could see how sometimes things you don't plan on doing, you end up doing in the heat of the moment.
So now here we are, and I'm not sure what to do. I have told her a bunch that she is WAY too young to have sex. And I have begged her to wait until at least 16, but told her that's really too young still. I've explained that sex releases hormones that bond you to a person, and she's waaaay too young to be "bonded" to some kid at 14. That she needs to go to college, and meet people there and grow up before she chooses a boy to settle down with, and all that stuff. I do NOT want my daughter to marry her boyfriend that she stated dating when she was 13. Uggggg.
But at the end of the day, I also don't want to rely on shaming her, and telling her only dirty whores have sex, and all that other ugly stuff. Because at some point, I do want her to have a healthy adult sex life, and I think shaming her for it at 14 can probably do serious long term damage.
So, do any of you ladies have any advice, or input at all? I'm really kind of on my own here, and at a loss for what to do.
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