Astrid channeling everyone that's tried to date an FtM that sees their partner as a validation dispenser

jackthelassforgot · 2021-03-07T23:31:02+00:00

Context: In this movie (Crazy Rich Asians), Astrid's husband is massively insecure about his wife being richer than him, so he feels the need to "take her down a peg" by making her think he's cheating on her. He can't "feel like a real man" unless she's in the comparatively weaker position. This is her line when she finally leaves him.

If you keep the context, it reminds me of being a lesbian trying to make it work with a girlfriend that came out as FtM and started trying to push our equal partnership into a weird damsel/protector set-up. He'd get irritated if I'd carry heavy things or tell off creeps on my own like I've been doing my whole life, instead of crying for him to save me. His couldn't just "feel like a man" on his own, he needed me to pretend to be weak.

I guess the same line totally works in a more snarky tone telling off yaoi fetishist straight girls harassing gay men too.

jackthelassforgot · 2021-03-04T21:52:39+00:00

My tinder says "lesbian" and there's nothing on there to indicate I'd date a transman (though I assume facebook mines that data from my other accounts and keeps promoting me to transmen), but I still got several superlikes/secret admirer cards from trans men, so some seem to be practical about hitting on women that could legitimately be attracted to their genitals.

The ones I've seen trying to hit on specifically straight girls seem to be the ones getting all their expectations from the queer theory corners of the internet and lack any real-life dating experience post-transition: the newly transitioned or newly single post-transition. I haven't seen any be pushy like transbians, but I have seen a similar inability to adjust dating strategy for a new demo, where transmen have trouble taking initiative the way straight men are expected to, or expect straight women to act like lesbians and put equal effort into wooing them.

jackthelassforgot · 2021-03-04T01:37:22+00:00

I am physically attracted to trans men and not remotely bi - I'm one of those gold stars that always knew I was gay.

Initially I thought the physical effects of T would be a dealbreaker, but when my butch ex transitioned the changes didn't bother me as much as I thought they would. It was kind of like dating someone that started getting fat or aging poorly, maybe not ideal, but nothing I'd dump someone I'm already in love with over, and if they feel sexy the confidence can more than make up for it. He ended up passing better than any other trans man I'd ever met (tall and athletic to begin with, got peri so no chest scars) so I wouldn't call him feminine looking exactly, but he hit uncanny valley in a good way. Something about the placement of facial features and proportions of the skeleton and the way he moved hit the parts of the subconscious that pinged "FEMALE!", so no matter how "manly" a beard he'd grow or how muscular he got, he just wasn't off-putting in the visceral way even the most feminine males are. The whole experience just made me start noticing the "tells" for passing transmen, so now ones I used to think looked too manly look recognizably female to me and I'm more inclined to find them sexually attractive.

But I don't think I would seriously date a trans man again because of the mental and physical health issues I can't see any way to avoid. It became clear after the high of chasing (an exceptionally successful) transition wore off that my ex wasn't any mentally better than when he started, he just now had increased cardiovascular risks as he switched to obsessing over increasingly petty things like wrist thickness in lieu of boobs. Transition wasn't the fix they promised, it was just another self-destructive coping mechanism like her eating disorder before getting into trans stuff. I can't stand by and watch someone I love artificially lower their own life expectancy chasing fleeting moments of "happiness" the same way I couldn't date a heavy smoker/drinker or an avid base jumper.

jackthelassforgot · 2021-02-03T07:00:08+00:00

That "blood" looks obviously photoshopped. Well, photoshopped might be generous - more like MS paint. Weird shapes, too-clean borders, uniform color saturation.

With the amount of effort put into the photo itself (matching clothes, good lighting, studio backdrop), this makes me suspect that this could just be a generic transman glamourshot, and some completely unrelated TRA creep decided to co-opt the image for their own purposes and make this a menstrual thing. With zero awareness or concern that some of those FTMs look like they've been on hormones long enough their periods might have stopped by now, or that they might be 'triggered' by the suggestion they still bleed or the reminder that they do. I know more transmen than the average person (side effect of being a lesbian into butches these days), and none would be comfortable getting blood photoshopped onto a picture of them. ((I'm also amused/saddened at how many ended up more "transphobic" than me, because of how TRAs/MTFs treat them.))

jackthelassforgot · 2021-01-27T04:07:48+00:00

Haha, yes! I'm from an area without a lot of old stuff, so I was inordinately fascinated by a used book shop having volumes from the 1800s with "From the personal library of OldDeadWhiteGuy" decals on the inside, instead of just like... old manuals for Windows Vista.

jackthelassforgot · 2021-01-26T06:16:05+00:00

I haven't been to this event, but I did go to P-town once, about 5 years ago. It's a cute little east coast seaside town and I had fun walking around, so even if the event turned out to be a bust it'd probably still be a lovely weekend eating lobster rolls and checking out historic sights and old bookshops.

jackthelassforgot