The Biden edition also requires a vaccine pass with an up-to-date vaccination status, before it can be driven at all. If it says 20 miles left, it will only be 14. The charger needs bribes to work.

The Kamala edition only drives in twists and wavy, wiggly, serpentine curves and circles and it leaves the cars behind it in a fog that makes them lose all orientation. Then it lols while everyone including the Kamala edition crashes.

The Trump edition drives straight into the courthouse. It can’t start unless the driver has a MAGA hat on (but being orange will also do) and unless there’s a Karen or an Ivanks on the passenger seat and a minor to grab by the pussy in the trunk. It also finds extra votes at every mile that you drive it. If it identifies a liberal, it will immediately drive over them to enhance the joy of your ride.

The DeSantis edition censors certain words like gay on the audio system. Instead it gives you the cries of tortured Guantanamo detainees. You have to prove that your gender is a good old-fashioned one by showing your genitals to the owner of the dealership before you can buy one.

The AOC edition comes with a full skin care kit, Green-New-Peel-de-Luxe, on board. This mandatory extra comes at three times the price that it would be if bought at the store. “For AOC-enhanced quality that’s still a steal!”

The AOC edition also comes with one wheel less. This means it produces less fine soot from tire rub-off. If it also turns out to cause more accidents, that’s a reasonable price to pay to save the environment, and remember if it was up to her, you’d have Medicare for All, so it would be no problem. On top of that this will induce drivers to slown down, which is even better for the environment. A part of the money saved by reducing the number of wheels will be sent to Ukraine.