If not for my cat and weed I'd be in a real dark place right now

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[–]Femaleisnthateful 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I've been interested for a while in hearing the perspectives of kids of trans parents. I mean we hear from parents, and sometimes ex spouses, but rarely other family members.

Sounds like this guy doesn't have any custody and has rarely seen his son even prior to transition. He calls himself a 'girl' even though he's likely in his 40s or older.

Everyone's blaming the mother for influencing her son, but it doesn't sound like girl-daddy has anything going for him. I'm guessing this is a typical AGP who became fixated on his own transition at the cost of everything else.

[–]makesyoudownvote 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Something I have noticed remarkably often is that these people seem to have a fascination with being a child or teen version of the gender they are adopting. This seems ESPECIALLY true with FtMs.

There might be a fomo thing or a past tragedy thing. They feel like they missed out on the defining experiences that make them adults of their gender. I mean puberty and adolescence are really challenging times for most people. Also it's not like people really feel like they are just suddenly adults.

But I think there is also an aspect of getting a redo or second chance, something most people over 13 or so wish for to some extent. I still feel like this is a major underlying component of the trans desire.

Both of these may kind of explain some of the obsession with letting children transition.

From 2000-2012 I was a pretty active member in many pro-LGBT organizations and as such I have had a LOT of trans people in my life. To me one of the biggest reasons I left and why I end up being called a transphobe all the time, is that I feel like a huge majority of them are suffering from a grass is greener and magic pill delusion. I have watched so many of them get worse and lose more touch with reality after beginning their transition journey and improve if and when they detransition. The suicide rate and depression seems anecdotally even higher among people who have undergone gender affirming care or procedures. I think they largely have unrealistic ideas of what gender is, beyond the surface level of penis and whatnot.

FtMs often think everyone will immediately treat them with respect or listen to them. They think they will be magically more confident and feel safe. When they don't they look for a scapegoat and transphobia or transmisogny make convincing ones. They also never seem to understand or really come to terms with what they are giving up, and when they find this out they seek to "fix" masculinity to make it more like femininity, because that's often their true nature, but they can't admit they made a mistake.

MtFs are similar, but there seems to be far more of a sexual component. They often think they will suddenly be desirable and that people will bend over backwards for them. This is an exaggerated perception of the female experience and one that really only attractive women experience anyways. They are seldom attractive and thus don't experience this. People are still revolted by and feel unsafe by their presence just like they do cis men.

Overall I have no problem with people dressing however they want, going by whatever name they want etc. If a person's asks me to address them by alternative pronouns (within reason, I won't say catself or any really silly stuff like that) I will gladly make my best effort do it so long as they treat me with respect as well. Much like how if a woman chooses to go by her maiden name or her married name, or if a doctor asks me to call them Dr.[Name] I do so. But again this is only so long as they treat me with respect as well. It's a two way street.

BUT, I really don't think it's good for most of them to be so disconnected from reality. Eventually reality will confront them and it's only that much more brutal the more you have deluded yourself up until then.

[–]QueenBread 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Gotta say, your comment should be a top-sticked message of this server and it should be shown around everytime someone discusses the trans trend. You summed up everything perfectly. What you wrote is EXACTLY what it is and how it goes.

[–]makesyoudownvote 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks man, that feels great to hear.

Yeah, I really don't hate trans people, nor do I deny they exist. I know people who have transitioned and are living their best lives and are now relatively well adjusted. Some of these people, I never would have guessed in a million years.

I hate the movement because it's harming everyone imo, including LGBTQIA+ people.

I hate that gender questioning people are encouraged into life altering decisions. I want the care to be accessible, but when we have a surge like we do now it's dangerous, especially with shrinking birth rates.

One of the strongest arguments imo for LGBT rights has been we were overpopulated. We still are, but 1st world countries like the US all now have shrinking birthrates. This is not the time to be overly focused on LGBT issues. Let them be, but don't push it too hard is all.

I hate that we are all told if we don't 100% just accept them as being not just the gender, but the biological sex associated with said gender, we are bigots. It reminds me of the there are four lights torture scene in Star Trek.

I hate that the quality of discussion is so limited because it's an ever changing maze of acceptable conversation points that are designed specifically to ensure an end conclusion regardless of whether or not it's valid. If it were valid it could stand up to some scrutiny. There is a difference between having this discussion online which really should be a safe space (in the opposite direction of what they consider a "safe space") for debate and intellectual exercise. We should be able to say anything that isn't a direct call to violence or violating someone's personal information online. We should be able to state opinions no matter how controversial. Hate the Jews? Ok online is your place to vent that without much in the way of real world consequences. I don't, and I fight regularly with people on this site about it, but I think they should be allowed to talk it out and I should be allowed to issue my counterpoints, and not just scoff or ban.

I hate that the downsides of transitioning are downplayed to the point of sounding more like a miracle cure to any form of identity crisis rather than a process that comes with real and serious downsides. Some of them are social and forcing people to pretend like it doesn't bother them isn't going to fix that. Some of them are just inescapable. Messing with your hormones will cause mood swings in 99.99% of cases even with expert medical care. Having surgery will basically cut your ability to enjoy sex down to near nothing. Your health with get worse in either circumstance. You will never be able to get particularly close to being the opposite sex in any way much more significant than cosmetic, and if somehow a medical breakthrough happens in the next few years that can get you there or close, chances are pretty good that whatever you did before invalidate your candidacy for that procedure or at least make it more difficult.

I hate that they separated sex and gender, yet refuse to put in the leg work to define gender in any meaningful way, furthermore they cancel people who make any real effort even if it is intended to be inclusive.

Side note: I actually like the distinction between sex and gender and see some potential value in distinguishing the two. In my mind sex is like hardware gender is like an OS. It's a set of rules, protocols, conventions and guides to a system designed to be optimized for a particular set of hardware. It gives you a set of options on how to act and others a set of familiar protocols on how to treat you, all designed to work best for your body. A female can be a man much the way a PC can run OSX, but she is going to run into a lot of stability issues, and she will miss out on all the advanced features that make a Mac unique. People won't always know how to treat her and that's no one's fault but hers for choosing to mess around with things that are mostly going to make the user experience worse. This example has gotten me banned from reddit for not being inclusive enough. Yes really. To all the people on this site that probably seems like bending over backwards to accommodate them.