Sunk cost fallacy at this point. When you've fucked up massively and you are all in even when the writing is on the wall that it's a scam you gotta hold onto that little bit of faith that it's not because you just can't admit it to yourself.

Same reason people stick to pyramid schemes despite it draining them of money. I knew someone who was stuck upside own in a mortgage even that did this.

Couldn't afford the mortgage but had savings that would last for awhile. Bank was not returning calls about restructuring.

I said, just stop paying your mortgage and force the issue. Bank will either restructure or evict you. But if you get evicted now you'll have those savings.

They of course didn't do that because "you can't just not pay your mortgage" and the bank was perfectly happy to drain those savings down to nothing and then evict them. Leaving them with nothing.

So how is that relevant? Well you want something you can't have, a sex change, it's just physically impossible. Doesn't matter how much or why you want it. It doesn't work that way. But there's all sorts of people around who are more than willing to take your money and string you along making you think it works until such a time as they've sucked all they can from you and just leave you to kill yourself and move onto the next victim.

Better to deal with the root cause of the depression first and avoid the complications. So you want to be a girl? Well you can't. Do just make peace with that fact of life and go live your life. You'll be happier not worrying about it.