I swear. If I were an ad exec I'd make it chic to get your earlobes removed or something, just to see how many idiots would comply. Smoothlobes would be the new identity; paying for articles on the dangers and benefits of removing your earlobe, and those who are oppressed by lobe expectation, how the male gaze objectifies women with lobes. Models featured with no lobes and provocative poses. Youtubers ranting about how it's messed up.

.. Actually that's tamer than this shit. Ah well I tried.