Women's anger

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[–]yayblueberries 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I never, EVER want to hear a man whine about having to put on a smile at work, so many of those creeps have demanded that I put on a smile RANDOMLY IN PUBLIC LIKE I LIVE ENTIRELY IN A FUCKING MCDONALD'S 24/7/365.

[–]MenAreFragileBabies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I have literally started telling men no. They get all nervous when you tell them no, you will not smile. It's a nice change. There is a real Nice Guy™ at work who told me to smile, I said no, and I thought he was going to cry.

Don't tell me to fucking smile, I am not here for your fucking entertainment.

[–]yayblueberries 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I've told them I'm not here to serve them and they can have respect for the possibility that my life is not unicorns and rainbows. Every single time they respond with verbal violence (screaming, name-calling, telling me to go f myself). It just proves to me demanding women to smile is not at all an innocent behavior wishing women were happier. They think we are objects that they should be able to control.

[–]tuesday 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

i have been thinking a lot about this lately, we're not allowed to express anger because it feels threatening to other people. WHY are they so threatened when women get angry tho? Women tend to not get physically violent, so that's not the reason.

Maybe they can't cope with the fact that we have LEGITIMATE reasons for being completely fed up with men and especially transwomen? As long as we're just a teeny bit sad then they get to tell themselves that it's not as bad as we claim. Which means they don't have to do anything differently and they can keep the status quo.

Even in gendercritical here at saidit, i feel like the mods are okay with a little bit of anger, but "too much" and they'll start looking for a reason to ban women. Remember laydees, we're supposed to be kind even when someone is dehumanizing us and erasing our rights! And we're especially supposed to be kind when handmaidens are around. <kinda makes me want to vomit.

If enough dingaling women would stop tolerating the bullshit, sexism would have ended a long time ago. Bullies push until you either escape or if there's no where for you to escape to, you push back. That's how bullies operate! Bullies don't suddenly stop bullying because you've inspired them with your ever loving kindness, they see kindness as weakness, as carte blanche to continue their campaign of oppression.

[–]tuesday 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I guess maybe gendercritical isn't focused on the bullies but on persuading the fence sitters and oblivious people that there's a problem? And they're more likely to respond favorably if they think we sound "reasonable"? Okay fine whatever but I do need a place to express my anger tho, otherwise like the OP says, i'm being gaslighted into a very very unhealthy place.

You either act like a human being and express your anger... Which leads to ppl calling you crazy/shrill/hysterical/over reacting/mentally >ill. To the point where you actually become mentally ill because you're constantly being gaslit. Peoples reactions make you feel helpless, >and helplessness turns into despair.

EXACTLY

[–]MenAreFragileBabies 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Someone on the old GC sub recommended The Dance of Anger to me, and it is really good. Written by a radfem therapist from the midwest, so she knows what she is talking about.

The gist of it is that our anger gets misplaced because we don't get any practice with anger as girls. So we get caught up in expressing it or bottling it, rather than using it. Instead of focusing on expression/lack thereof, she recommends analyzing it to figure out what made you mad. Then express what you are going to do that addresses your feelings.

Simple example: Instead of arguing with your husband about whether you should be able to do XYZ, recognize you are mad because he's trying to control what you do. Then tell him calmly as you can that you are going to do what you want, and it's not up for further discussion. It will cause him to get upset and maybe act out if he isn't used to it from you, but that is how to handle angry feelings, according to her.

I am not all the way through, that's just based on the early chapters. I really like it so far, though!