Questions for the older lesbians among us,

submitted by sunzzy from (self.Lesbians)

Have you ever had a younger girl hit on you? or could you tell they had feelings towards you? and how did it make you feel?

I'm really worried that I'm coming across as creepy or overbearing, I don't flirt with her or anything but I have this huge crush on a woman who is nearly twice my age. I honestly feel really guilty whenever I think about her. I'm terrified of her finding out or being able to tell that I have feelings for her and that it would ruin our friendship.

So I was just wondering if you were in that position would you feel uncomfortable and stop talking to her or would you not care?

all 8 comments
sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m not sure what constitutes as older lol. I’m in my 30s and had a girl just out of her teens hit on me. Although somewhat flattering, it was mostly uncomfortable as she kind of didn’t notice how obvious and embarrassing it all was, especially in a mixed age crowd. She did confess her crush and I told her I knew and that she knew I was taken. I told her that although, appreciated, it was not reciprocated and advised her to cut out some her behavior towards me and seek girls her age. She told me she had a crush on me because I came I seemed to know myself and boundaries more than peers her age. The thing is, and I told her, that although she may know herself a bit, her 20s are all about getting to know who you are through trial and error and just life. You kinda don’t skip that part while chasing around older women.

[–]votkriscan 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you are talking about minors, that would be creepy for me, being someone who is much older. Not to mention, illegal. But if she were 21 and above, which is a legal adult, then that would be fine. Where I'm at, women at that age know their business, if they are specifically inside the lesbian/bi women's dating community. Although, I would be hesitant at seeking a long-term relationship from someone in that age group, as this is generally not on their minds, due to the differing societal circumstances surrounding heterosexual relationships versus lesbian ones.

I think you should try to find this out from her though, since how she feels is what matters. There are ways to talk about it without revealing your own feelings.

[–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, I've been in a few situations like that...I was never bothered by the age difference.

[–]MyLongestJourney 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Have you ever had a younger girl hit on you? or could you tell they had feelings towards you? and how did it make you feel?

I did. I ignored it. The age gap was too great.To make matters worse,I was an adult and she was a teen. It was very uncomfortable and awkward for me.I felt I had to handle it with care so as not to hurt her feelings,but in the same time make sure not to give her any false hopes.

I'm really worried that I'm coming across as creepy or overbearing, I don't flirt with her or anything but I have this huge crush on a woman who is nearly twice my age.

Get over it. Sorry for being blunt,but the age difference is too big for any meaningful long term relationship.At best you might get some good sex. But I would not waste a good friendship for some sex.

[–]RealCubeDreamer 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Depends. If you are half her age she might not be interested, but if you are polite and respectful she might, who knows? I will say this though: When I was in my early 30's a teen girl latched on to me and would not leave me alone, and it was painful for both of us. I had to tell her with increasing forceful tone to stop.

[–]Destresse 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm 26, I don't think I qualify lol, but I had a 40-year-old hit on me once.

And, dude, I tried to see it from her perspective. Really I did. With what she told me, and what I imagined, it painted this picture:

Older lesbian feels 'young,' and doesn't want to be seen as boring. Age really doesn't mean anything, therefore. But still. She knows there's a difference. And so she drones on and on about "young people" and "old people" and "my ex was 10 years younger than me and it never bothered either of us" and ultimately sounds obsessed with age. Seriously. This was all she ever talked about.

I felt a little sorry for her. She called me "young in body but old in your head." rrthahahha.

This experience has made me very wary of women who are interested in women who are half their age.

To be honest, I don't think anyone sensible would stop talking to someone because that person's crushing on them. Except if they're creepy or insistent. If you can keep being her friend, I don't see why she'd put an end to the friendship. In this situation I feel the survival of the friendship depends more on you than on her. I might be wrong though. It's hard to say when I don't know either of you.

I'm curious though, what makes a woman twice your age attractive to you? I've always been extremely turned-off by the idea of a big age difference, so I don't get it haha.

[–]sunzzy[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Honestly its hard to explain why, I've always liked women who are older than me, there must be something wrong with me. I guess partially because she is so confident but also she is really talented and pretty. She is also a musician like me and I admire her a lot so in some ways its a case of 'do I want you or do I want to be you?' Thing is, I know a relationship wouldn't work out and I don't want to make a move, sometimes its just nice to feel excited when you see someone even if you never act on it. Im not sure if that's a normal way of thinking though.

[–]votkriscan 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There’s nothing wrong with liking older women though! I remember having the same feelings over someone. She is kind of femme-ish, and although she probably doesn’t photograph very well, she has a very attractively feminine personality, with a good sense of style and a smashing career as a doctor. Who wouldn’t want that?

Since you didn’t mention how old you are, women who do maintain themselves well, also maintain their physical attractiveness for longer periods of time, so it’s normal to find her pretty because she actually is still really gorgeous.

Anyways, good luck in your relationship aspirations. There is still the option to be good friends, even if it doesn’t work out. :)