The “Gold Star” Problem

submitted by WordsHaveMeanings from (self.Lesbians)

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[–]StoneyTangawizi1 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

Well if these gold star stories and experiences can help massively increase the number of goldstars and greatly minimize/decrease the number of young future lesbians who will end up dating and fucking males due to hetero-misogynistic and dick-worshipping social pressures and standards, then I think it should be heavily promoted and heard in the lesbian community and also to the internet and media, so that young girls who are trying to figure their sexuality or struggling to accept them can find out and heard about these gold star stories/experiences.

I don't really understand what Lavalanche17's point is? If we can help much more young lesbians becoming goldstars then we definitely should promote goldstar positivity.

[–]TalerTest 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Lavalanche17 did make a pretty good point. If you think about it, the goldstar stuff is all about men. Categorizing lesbians by past relations to men. I've always found it off-putting to give men that kind of significance in our sexuality. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely all for showing young lesbians that there's nothing wrong with having sexual boundaries, but I'm not sure that this is the way to go about it. It would be simultaneously teaching those young lesbians that men have the power/authority to take something (their "goldstar") away from them and their identity and I hate the idea of giving that kind of importance to men at all, personally. I think we are on different sides of the coin. I don't care at all if a lesbian has been with a man in the past or not. My only hope is that the ones in heterosexual situations can come out and live their truth.

[–]Wot 8 insightful - 8 fun8 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 8 fun -  (2 children)

I really don't get this sentiment at all. It's like taking issue with the fact that if you have sex then how you're identified changes. We literally live in a world where women and girls are seen as existing for men and babies and if you haven't been with a man then you're strange and even hated. Why would we ever want to silence gold star rethoric when it would be the only thing protecting lesbians from all the ubiquitous and quotidian coercion to be with men? To be normal? If you really think about it, the term lesbian also categorizes ourselves in relation to men because it's about male exclusion. Men exist and in that effect, they always have significance to our sexuality because it's not the norm to exclude them. Good for your if you don't care if a lesbian has been with a man or not. That's not the point. Gold star being amplified could have protected those lesbians in het situations you claim to care about to have never gotten in them if that was a genuine choice for them.

[–]TalerTest 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I was going to respond, but someone else who you also accused of "trying to silence gold stars" already left a perfect response right here.

And what is gold star rhetoric? Isn't that just lesbian rhetoric? "You don't need to have sex with men to know that you're a lesbian" Every lesbian says that.

[–]Wot 9 insightful - 8 fun9 insightful - 7 fun10 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

Gold star rhetoric is literally just their experience which differs from those whose been with men. Its, "I know it's not normal to not have fucked men but I didn't. Here's exactly what that looks like, here's how misconceptions didn't fit as another user here has mentioned, here's how you'll get hate from every direction even your own community as you can see here, etc." Why can't yall just own up to the fact that all yall care about is that it makes some lesbians uncomfortable and that's worth trying to silence other lesbians about? Because, if the idea being perpetuate by all lesbians is that you don't need to sleep with men for any reason then you're literally trying to build the gold star community and simultaneously telling them to go away.