Does your family know you're gay? How did they take it when they found out? How do they feel about it now?

coolwineaunt · 2020-11-22T03:26:53+00:00

My family does not know and I don't care about what they think. Our situations seem pretty similar. I've never had to lie about it; I just figure I'll introduce when it happens. However, I already know I'll be completely and totally cut off from 99% of my family if I do so. Only 3 of my family members (all of my siblings except for 1) will remain in my life. The rest are extremely homophobic, almost violently so. Fortunately, being financially and totally independent prevents that from being a problem. I've accepted this loss; I don't want terrible people in my life anyway.

Vernalmuffins · 2020-11-22T02:37:09+00:00

USA I'm 18 and I came out like 3 months ago. It was to my mom right before I went to leave for college. Was definitely not a shock to her, but because I made it explicit that I would never even date a man, I had to deal with interrogation on why I wanted to be a man, was I molested, maybe my hormones are off, had she failed as a mother, etc., every time I was alone with her.

I guess technically I'm not fully 'out' bc I really only told my mom, but I think my siblings that have lived with me have an idea, and my older sister made a point of mentioning that a book she's getting me was written by a woman with a wife, so ig my mom told her or she guessed. Idk. My family isn't very close, and the rest aren't as catholic as my mom, so my plan is just to kinda introduce any future gfs at a holiday or something.

plotbunny · 2020-11-22T03:23:58+00:00

Canadian, 21. I wasn't planning to come out until I was in a serious relationship. My parents found out a few months ago (currently living at home) after finding a copy of LC. It was awkward for a few days but otherwise we don't discuss it and it's mostly fine.

I think everyone suspected when I got a really short (and terrible) haircut at 15 and started wearing flannel. Ironically, I hadn't figured it out at that point and was confused by the reactions (and hurt, bc some people got really weird about it).

Now, the extended family? That's a whole other thing that I'm not looking forward to dealing with when the time comes.

AugustiJade · 2020-11-22T18:29:24+00:00

Swedish

Yes my family knows. They kicked me out of the home at 16.

hermiona52 · 2020-11-22T09:38:01+00:00

Big city in Eastern Poland, 26 years old. My older brother knows and is supportive. My mother though... when I told her a year ago, she told me she doesn't acknowledge it, she doesn't accept it, and if she saw me with a girlfriend she would kill me. Her reaction is mostly a shock, but also she is a conservative Catholic who grew up in a small village, so it wasn't really surprising.

I'm sharing an apartment with my younger half-sister who I never told, but I guess she has to at least suspect it. Her parents (my uncle and aunt), who are close to me, don't know at all.

At least all my friends know and everyone at my workplace who bothered to ask or it came out naturally in a conversation.

PasLagardere · 2020-11-21T22:09:12+00:00

Belgium.

I'm 24.

I came out a few times to my mother. At 16, 18 and 19. My mother's reaction was always, 'You aren't a lesbian , you have long hair', it didn't help that in my teens I went from complete tomboy with short hair to femme with long hair and make-up. When I got my first GF at 19 she understood.

However I do have an anecdote of me being 6 year's old and wanting to join a soccer team, and my mom didn't allow me because family member's had told her 'Watch out, she might become a lesbian if she joins'. This was in 2002.

My dad's family was okay with it, told them at 18. My sister and brother kind of always knew.

At first it was a bit akward, in every case, because even if they kind off 'saw it coming' or didn't mind, it was still a thing that you don't imagine in someone's future.

Lesbianese · 2020-11-22T03:11:14+00:00

USA, I'm 21.

Got outed to my mom 10 years ago when she started snooping around in my AIM DMs. She thought I was just being one of those girls who was going through a phase/doing it for attention. She tried to explain to me how being gay isn't a fad or a funny joke and that people genuinely suffered cruelty due to being homosexual. Except my mom isn't the greatest with words and I was still young so I left the conversation with the impression that she'd send me to a mental institution if I were homosexual. Oops.

Absolutely terrified, I told her again at 13 when I had my first "serious" girlfriend. She took it pretty well now that she was certain I was being legitimate, said she remembered having a feeling that I'd turn out to be homosexual.

Told my older brother around the age of 16/17 over the phone while he was abroad, he made a joke along the lines of Ha, you like men, you're gay as a dumb joke (he finds it funny to use the terms for the wrong sex, like referring to women as sir or men as ma'am, he used to call me a male name when we were goofing around) and I replied saying I wasn't attracted to men. His reaction still makes me laugh every time I tell this story, Wait, so you're actually gay? Uh oh. Oops.

My mom had told me not to tell him until he got home a couple weeks prior because she wasn't sure how he'd react but I knew it'd be fine.

I've never told my dad, he's really uncomfortable with homosexuality and while he's less uncomfortable with female homosexuality, I honestly think he's happier not knowing even if he suspects it. May tell him if I ever decide to tie the knot or move in with another woman but I've been celibate for over half a decade now due to health problems that make me feel like I probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship until I get them better sorted, so that's unlikely to happen for quite some time

Anniesworld · 2020-11-22T19:59:50+00:00

Currently In my mid to late twenties. I came out to my brother when I was 12, and my parents when I was 17, but not by choice. I had a okcupid profile and my father found it on my laptop and we had a long conversation about how he will "accept it". They still can't "accept it", my mother is always trying to convince me that "dick is the best" and my father has never referred to my girlfriend as my girlfriend and struggles to call her my friend. He generally talks with hostil tone when I mention her or me being a lesbian. I usually keep it to myself when at work unless someone is having a direct conversation with me about my love life or assumes I have a boyfriend or something. I don't hide it, but I don't shout it to the roof tops if you know what I mean. When I'm with my girlfriend I don't usually shy from holding her hand when we walk.

33799 · 2020-11-22T21:06:32+00:00

25 and Canadian. I honestly don't know if my family knows! My sister's boyfriend knows (because he tried to introduce to me to his friend), so she probably knows? Dunno. And at least one of my parents packed up all the books I had in my room — it's not like I own any 50s pulp novels, but there were a few books with "lesbian" in their title or subtitle. But maybe that's not enough, IDK.

Kristouph · 2020-11-23T17:51:12+00:00

I came out in the early 2000s as a teenager. My family was okay with it, other people were not. I got kicked outta school and bullied. Long story short, everyone now knows I'm a lesbian, I'm married, and I'm out at my job.

I promise you guys, the older you get the easier it is not to give a fuck what people think. Now I just assume everyone already knows and I go about my business.

I live in the USA and I'm in my early 30s.

lulululululu · 2020-11-24T00:22:09+00:00

Hahaha, nooo. I don’t want to be too specific about where my family is from, but it’s a very conservative, religious Asian country that’s actually been going backwards in terms of LGB rights in the last few years instead of going forwards. I know a few other gay men from here, but I literally don’t know a single other lesbian or even a bi woman because they’re probably all closeted. I don’t think I would be at risk of physical violence if I came out, but I would definitely be completely ostracized and lose most of my family and friends.

My siblings know about me and are completely accepting, and my mother... she was very, very homophobic when I was a kid which kept me in the closet for so long but I finally told her a few years ago and while she didn’t say anything homophobic, her face turned white and she said “Don’t tell anyone else in our family.” We’ve never talked about it since.

I have no idea what I’m going to do if I ever find someone I want to spend the rest of my life with because I would lose most of my family and my friends but I try to not think about it too much, haaa. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

ETA: I am a dual citizen so if I ever found someone I could go back to the USA and live my life in peace, it just makes me incredibly sad to think of losing so many people I love.

EzukiRaen · 2020-11-24T11:05:18+00:00

Bermudian, 21.

I'm not sure what exactly my family does or doesn't know but, it doesn't really matter tbh. I'm lucky in that I have such an awesome family and "coming out" didn't have to be a thing for me.

The first time it was ever brought up was when I was about 14/15 and I was trying to figure things out myself. My mother asked me if I was a lesbian and I remember telling her "I don't know. I know I like girls but, I don't know if I like guys," and that was that. There was no big reveal, no arguing or hyper emotions, just a simple question and answer.

Just to be clear, this is not the normal where I'm from. People won't attack you or physically hurt you but, they may very well shout or say hurtful things to you. I don't know how but, I haven't experienced any of that personally.

lmaonope333 · 2020-12-08T05:01:24+00:00

19, NYC. My family knows, most of them disapprove of it, except for my sisters. And one of those sisters was originally very homophobic but I think shes coming around. I don't care what my parents think, my mom is a narcissist so she wouldn't love me even if I was straight so it's not like it's a loss.

funk_transcender · 2020-11-24T01:32:34+00:00

I'm 25 and in the UK.

Mum wasn't okay with it at first. I told her I was seeing a girl and she just said 'Oh for God's sakes', and kept referring to my girlfriend as my friend for the whole 3 years we were together. Towards the end she was open to possibly meeting her.

My dad was a lot more positive and accepting about it, and I think kind of always knew. He actually met my first girlfriend and was really nice to her.

When I got into my 2nd relationship my mum really liked my girlfriend and was completely fine with it. She would always ask to bring my gf along whenever we would be meeting up.

My extended family I'm not very close too anymore for reasons outside of that, but they're Irish Catholic and honestly very behind the times. AFAIK my Mum has told one uncle and aunt, who will have told everyone else (barring my grandparents). Not sure what they would think about it. My relationship is so damaged with my extended family it would be really hard to tell if that even would've made much of a dent despite their religious views.

piylot · 2020-12-23T23:47:18+00:00

[deleted]

Rubyredpython · 2020-11-24T23:31:12+00:00

Interested in hearing this groups different experiences, include your age now & coming out & part of the world if you're comfortable sharing.

I'm from the US, in my thirties and came out in my late twenties.

I really don't know who all knows that I'm gay in my family. I told a few relatives and told them it was fine if they wanted to tell everyone else. I don't really care who else knows or their reactions to this. There are a few people whose opinions I value and I told them directly. I'm not troubling myself with everyone else.

My coming out experience to them was pretty nonchalant. I said I was gay and I got a mixture of okays and one relative told me she already knew that (she said several people in my family figured that I was gay back when I was a teenager). Same thing with my friends. Most of them said they knew since we were kids which surprised me because I didn't even know at that time.

I kind of wish someone would have pulled me to the side when I was younger and told me that I was gay. It would have saved me several years of confusion, worrying about coming out, and I missed opportunities. 😅

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