I don’t really agree with the premise. I think there’s a big difference between lesbians and FebFems even though both only partner with women.

My story is in my post history so I refer people there, but I’m a late bloomer lesbian. I had one sexual partner to whom I was married. I was in that relationship voluntarily. But I haven’t gotten pushback on the idea that I’m a lesbian and that’s because I’ve only ever been attracted to women. That’s just what being a lesbian comes down to. It’s a pattern of who you have had sexual/romantic feelings for, at least since puberty. If you’re a woman and it’s all women, then you’re a lesbian. If it’s a mix of men and women, you’re bisexual, if it’s only men, you’re straight.

Again, I’ve talked about this in my post history, which has more detail, but though I dated and married one guy, the devil is in the details. I started realizing I had feelings for girls when I was 12, didn’t know any gay people, and experienced social and emotional isolation and trauma due to growing up in an abusive environment that kept me in a fog and depressed. I’d have moments of clarity but I would push them away away because I valued independence and didn’t want to deal with another thing that would make my life more difficult. I never experienced attraction to men. I did replace my need for my sexual desire to be fulfilled with a need to be desired/wanted. I had a very poor mind-body connection. As I worked on my shit, everything became more clear and I became in touch with myself. I disnt previously allow myself to try to figure out my sexual orientation. It was a very charged issue. And when I finally did and allowed myself to think about the patterns I experienced, it was immediately clear that it always has just been women for me. I will also add that other than my husband, who was my best friend and who I am still close to as a friend, I had been on 4 total dates with men in my life, none set up by me, and 2 that I only went on because they were double dates set up by my female friend who I actually liked. And other than my husband, I have never kissed a man sober. I’ve only done so while heavily intoxicated and no situated was initiated by me. And additionally it’s not only my sexual orientation that this history made me confused and in the fog about.

So to my knowledge, no one has defined me as not a lesbian because of that relationship but people define me based on my pattern of sexual attraction which is to women only.