you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]Icebridge 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Mixed feelings about this post. I'd be okay with it if it weren't a hypothetical but since it is it just feels so... dumb and pointless? Who cares what you do in the hypothetical case that you divorce your husband? It also seems very naieve in the sense that it gives off the vibe of "gay relationdhips are always great and easy to find!" Which is... no. That being said I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post? As a radfem I feel like its obvious the way men treat women is way worse than the way women treat women. Most male violence is from someone the woman knows and often is a partner. When I go on dates, as long as I've verified that they're a woman and not a catfish, I dont have to worry about getting stalked or killed like I would if I were dating men. Even with assault, statistically it's so low I don’t really stress out about it with women like I do when I'm alone with a man i dont know well for example. I definitely dont think "straight women have it harder than us" or even that that's what the post is getting at. But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside. If someone wants to avoid that, I can't blame them. When i try to put myself in a bi persons shoes, its hard to decide if i would be able to date men based on the bad experiences ive had with them, the trauma those close to me have suffered, and just knowing what i know. I think op is naieve but i dont think she has any ill will based on what i read. It's not like she came at lesbians with this post anyway, from what i understand fds is a het focused sub?

[–]carrotcake 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah I completely agree with you. I have no problem with bi women choosing to date only women, i think that's actually a bold choice and that they'll most definitely face less misogyny (from her partner). My problem is with the way they're talking. They seem to choose women not because they love women and because they've had actual better experiences with women and aren't able to see themselves in a relationship with a man anymore - which are some of the reasons I've seen some febfem on the internet talking about. They are basically saying that women were their second option and idolizing a lesbian relationship

[–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is fair. No one wants to be anyone's second choice.