Anyone else have trouble finding decent people?

submitted by peaked from (self.Lesbians)

I swear everyone on tinder sucks or is emotionally unavailable. I keep falling for this pattern of chatting up girls who initially seems to be very interested in me and then all of a sudden start to disappear and give me some sort of excuse instead of telling me they just aren't interested anymore until the day they ghost me completely. Finding girls in real life is basically hopeless too. I can't really find anyone who I think is interesting. And even besides dating like it's just so hard to find actual good friends. I long to have more lesbian friends but the ones I come across have nothing to do with me and I just don't see the point in trying to force friendships. I think I'm just going to become voluntarily celibate and accept being a loner /s but also 👀

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[–]adultxhumanxfemale 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

It's difficult to date when you have high standards and appropriate boundaries. This has always been true. App-focused/internet dating hasn't changed anything except allowing low effort people to meet other low effort people. Invest time in yourself and your pursuits because in the end that's what pays the greatest dividends.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is true. Plus you’re a more interesting person and you don’t load all of your eggs into a relationship basket.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My theory has always been if you don’t meet up after the first week of meeting on a dating site move on. Don’t give yourself time to get invested in someone you haven’t met. Plus most people I know only use tinder for a “good time” only.

[–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I try to find something interesting and positive about people when I want to meet friends. It helps out a lot. You just don't meet someone once and omg, y'all are friends now. It takes awhile for some people to warm up to others.

I used to be pretty negative and hated people in general, and once I lost that mindset...I found a lot of great friends.

[–]plotbunny 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I've actually had better luck meeting people irl, but most were total flukes so that doesn't really help. Apps suck and it always ends up being the same people. If nobody wants to make an effort to meet up after chatting then it usually fizzles out (and if you don't live in the same city, well, good luck).

There was a thread on TrueLesbians like a year ago, basically seeing if anyone was in the same city. Might be time to start another one?

[–]peaked[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Doubt there will be anyone else from Portugal here :p

[–]Destresse 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is why I wish we made something for European lesbians! I saw quite a few back on r/truelesbians and I thought it'd be nice to have a discord server or something. But there are only 770 or so users here, so our numbers is even smaller now.

I'll probably chime in again in a few months when there'll be more users and see if that appeals to anyone else lol

[–]oofreesouloo 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Tinder sucks (I'm on it as well). But, to be fair, all the dating apps I've tried sucked as well.

I long to have more lesbian friends but the ones I come across have nothing to do with me

I'm curious to know why those lesbian friends have nothing to do with you? This is out of curiosity, because I also found it hard to relate to most lgb(t) people I've met. Only effeminate gay men were definitely easier to connect.

[–]peaked[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well to be blunt either we have nothing in common, they are very libby, or kind of cringy and childish. And I don't mean to make myself seem superior or anything because I'm not. I just feel like we're not the right people for each other

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

I am not on Tinder, and have never tried it. I kind of wonder if there are a lot of lesbians still who are not on Tinder, despite dating apps being supposedly one of the best options for us.

I have talked to a couple of my LGB friends about Tinder one time and they said that a large majority of people on Tinder are just on there to like, see who would swipe them, lol. Not that they are actually really looking for someone, it's just for external validation. That was news to me when I heard it. But I don't have almost any social media haha, so what do I know. I don't really want to try Tinder tbh, although I may have to in the future.

I guess my point is, I don't think you are stuck being a loner :) although, I do think that we might all be stuck being loners til the pandemic's over, lmao. My game plan is to try to see if my few gay/lesbian friends can direct me towards their other lesbian friends in the area. And if that fails.. guess I'll start volunteering somewhere haha.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Do you think you might be doing anything wrong?

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      yes, it is the same one. i shouldn't have let myself get so excited about it. makes the disappointment worse. thank you so much for rooting for me. when i read that it made me cry. thank you for caring. the people on this site are great and so kind. thank YOU for being great and kind. kindness like that makes a difference in the world.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        haha -- well, even bitches can be kind once in a while. i'm a kind bitch lol. it's fun to be a contradiction :)

        [–]peaked[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

        I haven't mentioned anyone here before this was my first post

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]peaked[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Omg sorry I'm new to this still figuring it out lmAo

          [–]spirette 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          yeah that's true. And Tinder is a reflection of people in general, because it's the most popular app. There is a reason posts about dating apps were the most common on TrueLesbians. It's a shitshow.

          I saw several posts suggesting you meet someone in real life and I'm just here thinking " really? how does that work?" It may happen to straight people but with us lesbians? What are the odds?

          I've never met another lesbian in real life unless I was at a lesbian bar/at a lesbian event. And none of the women at these real life events appealed to me. Either they were much older (nothing against older women but I don't want to date someone who's 20 years older than me) or they were super young and cringey or deeply involved in kweer shit. Or they were just uninteresting.

          The dating pool is so small that it's crazy hard to meet someone. It's just a fact.

          So I feel you OP. I don't have anything to suggest except wish you luck because that's what it comes down to honestly: sheer luck.

          [–]peaked[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Thank you 😔

          [–]florasis 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          So, you never met anyone there? I had good dates and hookups and a relation of 1 year.The most important serious story was from real life though. I think tinder is the best cause anyone use that. You need to keep trying

          [–]Mobymaybe 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

          Its super hard. I just want an educated lesbian that has hobbies and a good career. Being healthy and not super libby, as another user put it, is important too. Does this lesbian exist? I keep finding the ones that still live with their parents and are afraid to get on a plane.

          [–]a_blue_bird 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Same.