Does anyone here have Lesbian freinds irl?

submitted by sunzzy from (self.Lesbians)

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]WildwoodFlower 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Yes, I have lesbian friends IRL. But they're all married to each other, so I can't date any of them. That's OK, though, because I don't click with any of them in that way.

When I was 17, the only lesbian I knew was my closeted high school English teacher. This was back in the 80s when she could have lost her job for being a lesbian. My boyfriend at the time (who is now an out gay man) was the one who figured out that our teacher was in the closet and he voiced his suspicions to me and to a couple of friends. The word got back to her, she called him into her office, and read him the riot act.

Since your pianist is out and married to a woman, you have the kind of role model that my friends and I did not have back in the day. I hope you can work up the courage to come out to her.

Speaking of my friends, NOBODY was out at the time. I had several close friends in high school who later came out as lesbians or as gay men. Just the other day on Facebook, I stumbled upon an old friend's profile. I haven't seen her in over 30 years and I remember her as being totally boy crazy. Now she is married to a woman. It's very likely that you aren't the only lesbian in your friend group. I can't give you any advice on how to figure out who the other lesbians are. But they're there. Trust me.

[–]sunzzy[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It is amazing how much having someone you already really admire turn out to be lesbian, I was genuinely really excited when I found out because its the first time it actually occurred to me that I'm not the only one.

What was it like being gay back then? I mean its great that the laws have changed for the better but there was still a lot of homophobia at my school so I think we still have a way to go as a society.

[–]WildwoodFlower 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Back then, it was a lot harder for the gay guys than it was for the girls. Unless we were really butch (and most of us weren't), it was pretty easy to fly under the radar. The other kids thought we were weird, but they didn't suspect we were lesbians. The guys, OTOH, were subjected to the F-word and jokes about AIDS and limp wrists. There was also the whole comphet/invisibility factor-- we did not see others like ourselves. We didn't even really see each other! When I look back, I think about how we all could have been so much more supportive of each other if we didn't all have to hide who we were.

Some things that are commonplace today were unthinkable back then. You didn't take a same-sex date to the prom. You didn't even go to the prom with a girl who was "just a friend." You either had a date with a member of the opposite sex (comphet) or you went alone (which meant people thought you were weird). The teen movies, TV shows, and books had zero gay or lesbian characters. If we were mentioned in any of the teen magazines, it was "it's common for teenagers to have crushes on a member of the same sex because your hormones are running amok. This doesn't mean you're gay. You will outgrow this when the right boy comes along." (There's an episode in Season One of The Facts of Life that conveys this exact message, but even then, the tomboy who hugs girls and doesn't like boys is seen as "weird" rather than "gay.")

On the plus side, the teens of the 80s had a lot more freedom in terms of gender expression. If you watch some of the music videos of that era, you'll see what I mean. Not that the suburban kids I went to school with went around dressed like Annie Lennox or Boy George or David Bowie. But we did get to play around more with hairstyles, clothing styles, jewelry, etc. and no one stuck us with labels like "trans" or "nonbinary" because if it. We were just allowed to be kids.

[–]oofreesouloo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"it's common for teenagers to have crushes on a member of the same sex because your hormones are running amok. This doesn't mean you're gay. You will outgrow this when the right boy comes along" - wow. This was the EXACT same words my mother used to tell me FOR YEARS. And I'm pretty young still, 22 years old. Came out at 14

[–]sunzzy[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Reading this definitely makes me feel lucky to have grown up where at least there are some people who are accepting. Where I live we are supposed to have LGBT inclusive lessons as part of sex-ed curriculum but my school decided not to do it , the only mention of it ever was when a science teacher told us that is is impossible for a lesbian to get an STI... needless to say I was very confused.

I am quite envious that it was more normal for people to dress differently from gender norms, to be fair most people my age seem to secretly thing all these quirky Neo-genders are stupid its just that no one wants to be seen as a bigot so people with different opinions generally just go along with it. TBH as far as I can see being 'non-binary' is just a trend and I wouldn't be surprised if most people grew out of it

[–]WildwoodFlower 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's interesting to hear that so many people your age aren't on board the gender train. I think a lot of the kids who identify as trans or non-binary are just freaked out over the physical changes in their bodies and are trying to take control over whatever part of it that they can. Like you said, most of them will probably outgrow it.

Note: By "outgrow it" I mean the "non-binary" label. They will probably remain unconventional, or non-conforming, in their own way.