DiscussionThat feeling when a TRA you don't trust tries to befriend you out of the blue

submitted by wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]MBMayfair 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Yeah, even though my gut reaction is "ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!", if totally ignoring him will cause this creep to try to engage further, I think IridescentAnaconda's approach is best. Just as totally noncommittal a response as possible. And also use Athelhilda4's idea too, maybe briefly mentioning how busy you are. If he contacts you again, make your reply even shorter. After that, ignore him.

I wonder too if he's contacting you because he somehow found out you're bi, and so many of the trans crowd think for some reason that bisexuals should be so much more able to be interested in them. 🙄 Tread carefully, but you got this.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Hi! Great to hear from you. Hope you're doing well!

Blah blah blah we should hang together I've always thought you were cool and blah blah blah trans rights blah blah my pronouns blah blah blah TERFs blah blah blah Harry Potter blah blah stunning brave blah blah We really should hang together.

One week later: Oh gosh, what a week I've had, yes that's so interesting, gotta go!

Rinse, repeat. It may take several iterations but eventually he'll find some other victim.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi.[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yup, exactly.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi.[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, there's some concern here that I've been sniffed out somehow despite not openly sharing that info in that group.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wonder too if he's contacting you because he somehow found out you're bi, and so many of the trans crowd think for some reason that bisexuals should be so much more able to be interested in them.

Yeah, that's true enough, in both senses of "interested": finding them to be kindred spirits somehow... and finding them fuckable. (Indeed, being obligated to fuck them, as per the standard transologist line aimed at bisexuals: "well, YOU like BOTH, so you have no excuse for not being attracted to trans people!1!")

This seems to be the result of their misunderstanding bisexuality as something other than a sexual orientation. Which allows them to write in the definition that best serves their purposes. Usually something along the lines of either our being indifferent to biological sex (so all that we notice about anyone is "gender"), or being this kind of indiscriminately-accepting affirmation-blob who loves EVERYONE (like Jesus).

I also suspect that the vulnerability of bisexuals as a group (largely invisible, etc.) makes us targets for these exploitation-specialists: we're prone to believing these things ourselves... and not being much good at self-defense even if we don't.