Yeah I can totally relate. It's very funny looking back to when I was a teenager and how different my thoughts were compared to now in my mid twenties. Teenage me saw a pretty girl and was like I want to kiss her and go on fun dates. Now it's like she is hotttt and I wonder how she looks naked. Don't get me started on a nice cleavage because my eyes have failed me too many times atleast with a nice ass it's easier to not look lool. I always thought you are your horniest as a teenager but it was complete opposite for me.

My friendship group are predominantly straight women that I met at school/work and I never view them as anything other than sisters luckily. I feel awkward talking about women in a sexual way to them because I don't want to make it awkward so I keep my thoughts to myself but maybe it's in my head.

This is going to sound strange since I knew I was a lesbian from the age of 11 and have since then been with women but I still feel self conscious about being viewed a lesbian like you said almost like an outcast in most social settings. Sometimes even thinking why am I this way and not like the majority of women. I grew up in a religious and conservative home so I think that has contributed to it but I always thought by now those creeping thoughts would be gone.

To summarise I think about sex with women all the time and at the same time feel self conscious about it lol