LifestyleEasier time making friends than keeping them...

submitted by PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]YoutiaoLover 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

He says that's "unmasculine" and men shouldn't wear it. [...] If you're part of the G, could you give me insight on what my friend was saying about masculinity?

Not a gay man, but this view isn't exclusive to gay men. Apparently a lot of men and women think that men embracing femininity would ruin society (remember when Harry Styles wore a dress for magazine cover a while ago? The reactions were hilarious).

I find it funny that when makeup is mentioned people almost always think about full face makeup (blush, fake eyelashes, lipstick with colors that obviously unnatural, etc.) and flinch at the idea of it on a man; while irl men in entertainment professions like actors and newscasters wear makeup all the time. I have male friends who don't mind their female friends putting full face makeup on them for fun. It depends on the person, but most people don't like the idea of feminine men.

Questions

Just like you, I make friends easily but I don't like long distance communication and tend to ghost them. Sorry, friends! Tbh any form of socializing drains me out, but long distance is the worst.

Friends are people I emotionally connected to despite our different interests, the rest (like work friends) are acquaintances to me. I keep a certain distance even to my very few closest friends though--I think I know way more about them than they about me. Kinda off topic, I don't usually make friends with my friends' partners unless they're both friends with me before they hit if off.

In friendships, I tend to listen more than I talk (energy saving) and try to not talk about personal belief or religion. I keep the topics revolve around usual stuff; like movies, trending restaurants or their kids. Maybe that's why I don't (think I) have any enemy or have any friendship-ending disagreements.

For a friend, I look for tolerance, the ability to agree to disagree and focus on our similarities instead of differences. About disagreement between friends, I listen to both sides and refuse to remain neutral. Not in the sense of attacking the one in the wrong, but in the sense that I tell the right one they're right and make the wrong one see their mistake so that we can come up with a peaceful solution.

I failed them after I went thru some stuff and disappeared. I came back to explain what happened...and disappeared again.

Whoa, are you me? I used to feel guilty for not keeping in touch with my friends. Now wishing happy birthdays, anniversaries, New Years and sending presents are regular low energy ways for me to keep my friendships going (and prevents them for thinking I wanna borrow money when I suddenly contact them lol). Not the best way to be up to date about their life, of course, but it works for me. Maybe that could work for you, too?

[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, I was curious. I told him I was just basically gonna do a no makeup-makeup look ..like hollywood or idol but that's unacceptable to him. He said men can only put on foundation and eyeliner?? Idk, just confused. I asked my brothers and partner(all straight men) and they said "of course men don't like makeup" and they found it weird that my G friend would be OK with foundation or eyeliner. Then when I said my friend was gay, they all went "Wait WHAT? That doesn't make any sense!" Uhm...not all gay men wear makeup?? Lol so their uh...view is a bit skewed too.

Personally, if a man wants to wear makeup, I really don't care. I only care if us women are FORCED to while they don't lol. I mentioned that certain eastern countries have men wearing makeup as the norm and my G friend still thought it was weird/wrong. Idk, I mean... It just depends on the culture. I feel bad for gender nonconforming men now...they must get a lot of shit for being themselves, I know I did when I was extremely GNC, got told to "wear makeup" and "grow out your hair" all the time to "look pretty"/"Why did you cut your hair? You were so pretty!" Wow lol.

while irl men in entertainment professions like actors and newscasters wear makeup all the time. I have male friends who don't mind their female friends putting full face makeup on them for fun. It depends on the person, but most people don't like the idea of feminine men.

Exactly!!! It's common for people in entertainment to have makeup, and hell, even plastic surgery.

I just wonder if maybe I said something triggering by accident that made him go off? I don't know if I should apologize or what happened? Just confused...

Just like you, I make friends easily but I don't like long distance communication and tend to ghost them. Sorry, friends! Tbh any form of socializing drains me out, but long distance is the worst.

Damn dude, yes that's me. I get drained too easily and tired. I need a LOT of space to recoup man. People think I'm extroverted because I can be a clown or jokester, but I'm an introvert lol. Introverted ≠ shy, we're not SHY at all, that's why many don't think I'm introverted lol. They only seen the "energized" side of me. My partner is extroverted in comparison to me. He likes to be around his friends/family constantly.

Friends are people I emotionally connected to despite our different interests, the rest (like work friends) are acquaintances to me. I keep a certain distance even to my very few closest friends though--I think I know way more about them than they about me. Kinda off topic, I don't usually make friends with my friends' partners unless they're both friends with me before they hit if off.

I can relate to that too!! I tried in past to become friends with coworkers to "get out of my shell" but...I'm not going to try anymore. Just keep it at acquaintances. I do have a boss that games tho, so we just talk about work only and videogames. That's it lol. Going to play games together later. I'm keeping it as mellow as possible.

In friendships, I tend to listen more than I talk (energy saving) and try to not talk about personal belief or religion. I keep the topics revolve around usual stuff; like movies, trending restaurants or their kids. Maybe that's why I don't (think I) have any enemy or have any friendship-ending disagreements.

I used to be like that all the time, but ended up trying to "open up" and I regret that now lol. I'm just going to stick to doing what I know best, and keep it more closed off and reserved until I get to know them better. I've had people randomly come up to me and ask personal questions, and I'll answer it honestly(though sometimes vaguely haha), then they wanna continue talking about those topics. In particular, when it's political, I may mention something briefly, and then they think I agree with EVERYTHING they say. It's tiring.

For a friend, I look for tolerance, the ability to agree to disagree and focus on our similarities instead of differences. About disagreement between friends, I listen to both sides and refuse to remain neutral. Not in the sense of attacking the one in the wrong, but in the sense that I tell the right one they're right and make the wrong one see their mistake so that we can come up with a peaceful solution.

I had a really good friend like that! But I moved...and he's technically my trans male cousin's friend. We hit it off good as friend's though. He does agree with me in regards to transitioning. He told me in private he was worried about my cousin transitioning and talked about it a little bit. We don't agree with everything politically, he's right leaning, I'm unaligned--used to be left leaning lol. He's really mellow and easy to talk to, and explains his views eloquently.

Whoa, are you me? I used to feel guilty for not keeping in touch with my friends. Now wishing happy birthdays, anniversaries, New Years and sending presents are regular low energy ways for me to keep my friendships going (and prevents them for thinking I wanna borrow money when I suddenly contact them lol). Not the best way to be up to date about their life, of course, but it works for me. Maybe that could work for you, too?

That sounds like a really good idea!! I'll have to look into doing that. :-) Once I get...some friends again lol. It's kinda been too long to contact them again, we're on good terms, it's just...awkward. I also don't have the big social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any of that type---most use that stuff but I don't want to. I give them my email address and phone# and we talk old school if they want to reach me.

[–]YoutiaoLover 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just wonder if maybe I said something triggering by accident that made him go off? I don't know if I should apologize or what happened?

Maybe he wants to distance from the image gay=feminine that he had a strong reaction to it? Just like your brothers and partners, a lot of non gays think gay men are feminine. I don't think you should apologize though. It's not like you told him to wear makeup. You just expressed your opinion and there's nothing wrong with that!

In particular, when it's political, I may mention something briefly, and then they think I agree with EVERYTHING they say. It's tiring.

Uh, this. A lot of times I don't want people to misunderstand me but just thinking of refuting them makes me tired lol.

I had a really good friend like that! But I moved...and he's technically my trans male cousin's friend. We hit it off good as friend's though. He does agree with me in regards to transitioning. He told me in private he was worried about my cousin transitioning and talked about it a little bit. We don't agree with everything politically, he's right leaning, I'm unaligned--used to be left leaning lol. He's really mellow and easy to talk to, and explains his views eloquently.

Yes, he's the kind of friend I'm talking about!! He sounds like a great company.

It's kinda been too long to contact them again, we're on good terms, it's just...awkward. I also don't have the big social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any of that type---most use that stuff but I don't want to. I give them my email address and phone# and we talk old school if they want to reach me.

I get you, I feel reluctant to contact my friends after disappearing. But I think they'd love to hear from you. I know I would lol! It's a pleasant surprise to hear from old friends you haven't seen for so long.

By the way, your reply had me laughing because it's so relatable! From your opinion about wearing makeup, how you need space to recoup, how introverts like us aren't shy, your experience with coworkers and trying to open up, I relate to them all 😂